Gaining Lasting Security

It was a normal Wednesday afternoon. I was in the kitchen, cleaning up after the kids I nanny (who had just gone down for nap), when I suddenly froze and stared at the floor. It wasn’t the crushed chips and sandwich crusts that caught my attention, but a painful memory. It was as if I were reliving the moment, my mind flashed a past situation before me. On a warm Windsor day, I was looking into the eyes of a teacher whose expectations I had not met. No words had been used as I walked by the individual, but volumes were spoken to my heart. You knew better. What were you thinking? You have not met the standard of this school. I don’t care for you. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here. Would this teacher actually have said these things to me if the moment had allowed? I do not know. As my eyes glazed over the brown hardwood floors, I realized that I was allowing this past circumstance to shape me. I was letting a memory paralyze me.
I remembered the temperature of the room. How I felt. The way I wanted to disappear. Yet none of that helped me to move forward. I came to the realization that I could either continually let this memory steal all my confidence and peace whenever it came up, or I could place it in Jesus’ hands and move on. What are we to do when those around us reject us and we feel out of place? Should we cave to insecurity and give others control over our sense of worth? Praise Jesus that we never have to live like that since we are in Christ. And if we have been living in that way, He is fully able to help us to move on and place our confidence in Himself alone.

3 Thoughts on Gaining Lasting Security 

Evaluate your perspective

How do you see your circumstances? Do you believe they have the power to dictate the response of your soul? If I look at life this way, I am seeing everything out of the lens of a victim. Even if the worst has come to worst, never forget that the work Jesus accomplished at the cross on your behalf cannot ever be undone! He has been entirely Victorious over the enemy; He has set you free. And we are held in the hollow of the hands of this Victor. You are being carried at this very moment in victory! Hurt cannot undo redemption. Problems cannot undo redemption. Others disliking us cannot undo redemption. Cling to the Truth that absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God. It’s what His Word tells us!

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:31-39).


Don’t allow the opinions of others to make or break you

Security does not mean that everyone thinks well of us and likes us. It is very well possible that the teacher I mentioned above actually does feel that way about me, but, you know what? Others’ dislike or harshness can never change the reality of our position in Christ. The work Jesus accomplished on my behalf will never be changed by the opinions of those around me. When I sidewalk counsel, there is a pro-choice lady who I try to reach out to who regularly tells me, “I do not like you!!” Does that mean I should quit counseling and go home? Nope. Wherever Jesus has led us, we need to remember that we answer to Him for what we are doing. I will not answer to that pro-choice lady or to that missions school teacher but to Jesus. (Of course we must still respect authority, but my teacher does not have authority to change my sense of security because my security is in Jesus. I do not have to be shaken regardless of what is said because I am founded on the Rock whom no storm may ever confound).


Set your mind on the Sufficient One

Remember that life is too great a burden to carry yourself. You cannot do this alone (John 15:5). You NEED Jesus in order to thrive in the spot in which He has placed you. In our culture, the message of self-sufficiency is continually preached. “You are stronger that you think.” “You don’t need others! You’re a strong, independent woman.” But the Word of God shows us that humanity is insufficient. We could not save ourselves—we did not have what we needed to be rescued—only Jesus was strong enough to conquer sin, death and hell. Jesus, our Victor, lives in us and He is the One who has promised that His grace is sufficient for us. Preach to your soul the reality of His ability and strength in our weakness. He goes with us through every circumstance of the day. As we continue on, we will experience difficulty. The enemy loves to try to shake us up, but what’s amazing is that our Jesus does not only walk with us through the beautiful open fields of life, but also the wilderness. In seasons where we feel a regular propensity to cave to insecurity, may we then, in a new way, regularly experience His grace, which brings us to victory!
My security is not found in everyone enjoying my presence or in perfected circumstances, but solely in my Redeemer. We are free in Christ, and we may experience this liberating reality of victory most when challenges arise. The next time insecurity comes knocking, lift your soul’s vision to Jesus. And, in the words of a lovely old hymn, the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace. [1]

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1. Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus by Helen Howarth Lemmel

When You Just Don't Feel Like One Of Those Set Apart Girls

I sat in missions class, with my ankles crossed tightly. I was tense. With my journal out on my lap and a brightly colored pen in hand, I took extensive notes on reaching people of different backgrounds with the Gospel. As I sat in the beautiful chapel that warm summer day, one thought seemed to distract me again and again.

“You know you’re really not one of those set apart girls.”

I wanted to make some mental argument against the fact, but interactions with other ladies who seemed to be living poured-out lives made me wonder if there was something unspoken that disqualified me from being “one of them.” 

I was well aware that I had not by any means arrived to some perfected level in my walk with Jesus, but was there some expectation one had to meet, other than just being in Christ, to be considered a woman intentionally set apart for the King of kings? My experiences the previous few weeks made me wonder. I had somehow come to the conclusion that the term “set apart girl” must only apply to an elite group of Christian women who live astoundingly impressive lives. 

As days had gone by at school, I had taken note that there were certain ladies who avoided me. Something I was doing seemed to create discomfort among some people; just what it was had become a mystery to me. 

I’m too talkative. No, I need to try harder to start conversations they’ll enjoy. It’s probably my non-verbals. Don’t smile too much, but don’t frown. Stop being so energetic. Don’t speak encouragement too much, or it will be translated as flattery. Wear this. Get up at such-and-such a time each morning. Don’t be legalistic. Don’t lack discipline. You’re too pushy. Let them start the conversation. Be willing to help. Be confident. Not like that! Don’t hide, but don’t act like you have it all in the bag. 

I was trying to process everything; how do I best honor those around me? I felt extremely discouraged. It seemed like I hit a wall whenever I tried to live normally. “Maybe I just don’t fit the mold.” I would think to myself.

I’ve always been one to take too careful note of how people react. I often subconsciously study facial expressions and tones of voice. What did they truly mean by that?

According to my, probably flawed, observations, I was getting on a particular teacher’s nerves. Four ladies in leadership were made to feel less than comfortable, for whatever reason, around me. Some of my classmates looked down on me.

After a conversation with a friend I had looked up to, it had become apparent that I wasn’t quite reaching the bar. In an attempt to encourage this friend, I had caused discomfort and embarrassment. I was told that I was drawing attention to the individual instead of Jesus.

Oh, a set apart girl wouldn’t do that…. 

I looked out the chapel windows and thought, “Well, I’ll be out of their hair in just a few weeks.” It seemed like the only solution. Maybe I just needed another fresh start, since I had apparently blown this opportunity to live to the fullest.

The two months that followed were two of the darkest I have ever faced in my life. I thought through everything again and again. But it all seemed to say the same thing to my heart: you failed. 

My perspective was that I was too young, too loud, too strong in personality, too rough around the edges, too childish, and too broken for the title of “Set Apart Girl.” I had a past full of heartbreak, and it appeared that I wasn’t moving past it quickly enough. Each time I thought I was “sweeping up the broken pieces” I seemed to bump into someone else, someone more set-apart-girl-esque, and spill them all over again. 

Maybe set apart girls just don’t make these kinds of mistakes.

I felt much shame. Could I still call Amy Carmichael a hero of mine if I was so far off from her place in the endless pursuit of Jesus? Maybe I should stop saying Lillias Trotter is someone I aspire to being like since I am obviously failing at Titus 2 living. Perpetua was a much more impressive eighteen-year-old than I’ve ever been…

True Set-Apart Living

Even in the darkness of feeling unlovely and entirely wrong in nearly every facet, Jesus was present and at work in my heart. Where I had decided things were too broken in my life, after taking the nonverbal that I needed to get things together, I had given up at some level. I wouldn’t have been very likely to bring it up, but I was allowing my identity to be shaped by others’ perspective on my life. If someone I looked up to found issue with something I was doing, I immediately felt I was beyond grace. 

But it wasn’t true.

In the following months, Jesus was gently uncovering my issues and healing them. I had come to the conclusion in my heart and mind that if those in the “Set Apart Girl” ministry did not approve of me, then there was no way I was actually being shaped into a Christ-centered woman. (By the way, the ladies on the SAgirl team were kind to me!)

Jesus was exposing, however, that the only way to live a life that’s pleasing to Him was to get my eyes off of what everyone around me thought, and place my eyes on Him, and believe what He says about me. Am I living for the approval and applause of others, or do I only look to Jesus for security? 

As one writer has said, 

“I live before an audience of One. Before others I have nothing to gain, nothing to prove, and nothing to lose” (Henry Martyn). 

To truly live in a set-apart way means to live fully given to Jesus. It’s to be so taken with your heavenly Prince that all else loses its luster in comparison. I wouldn’t have had to feel insecure for even a moment if I had only seen my situation out of the lens of His Word. 

They don’t approve of me? When it comes down to it, in view of eternity, that doesn’t matter very much. The psalmist in Psalm 119 had this priority: “Thou art my portion, O Lord” (vs. 57). It’s not other Christians’ opinions of us that secure us before the Father; it’s only Jesus (Romans 5:1, 6-11, Ephesians 2:1-10). We’re not saved by someone we look up to telling us that we’re doing great or vice versa. My strength and security today comes only from the One who rescued my soul. He is the one who will keep me and sanctify me, therefore I have nothing to fear. He will not forsake me; He has begun a work within me, and our Jesus never forsakes or forgets the work of his hands.

I’m making someone feel uncomfortable? What if instead of panicking that I’ve ruined my relationship with that friend, I took the position of a servant, and sought out how I could better care for them? In the second chapter of Philippians, Paul exhorted the church at Philippi to serve others the way Jesus did:

 “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (2:5-8).

Instead of hopelessly assuming the friendship is over, what if I was willing to pour out for this individual? Would I be willing to give them space if they need it, or help them out if they ask? 

Being a set apart woman is not about having it all together. It’s not about doing every single thing perfectly, never making a mistake, not having a personality, having every book of the Bible memorized, using fancier words, cooking like Martha Stewart, always being out of your bed by three o’clock in the morning, or being a carbon copy of an impressive Christian you know. 

It’s legalism to assume that we are somehow earning greater favor in Jesus’ eyes by having all our i’s dotted and t’s crossed. Jesus would not have had to die if we could gain acceptance on our own before God. I am safe and unshaken in my daily life, not because Cassidy is just looking oh-so-spiritual this morning, but because Jesus has taken my place. He is unchanging. No matter what happens to me, and no matter how many areas of my life still need greater sanctification, I will never ever, ever be abandoned. 

My identity is not in my mistakes and mishaps.

My identity is in Christ alone.

Since I am in Christ, I know that He has set me apart for Himself (Psalm 4:3). I did not receive this title of set apart by saving up my behavioral allowance; it is a gift to me from Jesus. He lived the set-apart life, and because my position is in Him, I am robed in His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). I have grace, the power to live out the life He has called me to, only through Him. It’s not in my own pockets. 

If you, as a woman, believe in Jesus Christ as your Savior, then you are a set-apart girl. All because of Jesus (and not because of you). 

“Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth!” (Psalm 116:7-9).