Year 26 of Life: You Will Know Them By Their Fruit

I am so thankful that every year of life is a fresh start — a brand new season in which God is going before me. He has plans and purposes for me in every trip around the sun — and, the truth is, I don’t know exactly what each year will look like. I am a first-born girl, and one natural weakness first-born girls have is that we tend to somewhat rigidly plan things. (It could be a strength or a weakness depending on the situation). God reminds His strong-willed daughters that He is in control — and that He is abundantly trustworthy and capable as He carries out this role in the universe. Not one detail of our lives is outside His control. My plan may not always materialize because His purposes are more powerful and more important.


Honestly, in some ways, critical care reminds me of the extraordinary sway God holds over all things. When a patient is critically ill in the hospital, they are cared for by a special doctor called an “Intensivist.” The Intensivist very closely monitors a patient’s vital signs, lab values, and overall condition. They might enter a patient room and manually change the patient’s breathing machine — instructing the machine on how many breaths per minute the patient should breathe. The Intensivist is detailed and deeply involved in the care of each of their patients. Typically speaking, no doctor goes to greater depth of monitoring and understanding the internal state of their patient — manually deciding the number of respirations per minute the patient will breathe when intubated or continuously checking the patient’s blood pressure every second through the technology of an arterial line. It is fascinating.


Aren’t there so many parallels to God’s care for each of us? I may not currently be intubated on a breathing machine, but God is directing my every breath. He is ensuring my heart continues to pump blood another day. He monitors my blood pressure literally every second, but he doesn't need an art line to do it. He holds every detail of my life in His capable hands — not just the details of my body, sorting out my respirations or cellular activity, but in the vastest sense, He holds sway over everything.


It was in this spirit, considering that God is the “Intensivist of the universe,” that I started off year 26 with a prayer. “Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for a new year of life — I’m on to year 26. May I truly glorify you in all things this year. In school, at work, at home, with friends…wherever I am, may I be using year 26 to honor you.”

An Exercise for Growing In Your Understanding of Your Worth

As you may recall from the blog post on year 25, I’m always seeking to learn more about mental health and relationships. This led me to watch a podcast interview of Dr. William Sears — pediatrician and parenting expert — a few days after my 26th birthday. He talked about how he and his wife raised their kids to have certainty about their value — knowing they were each created uniquely by God with love and purpose. Dr. Sears and his wife used this exercise to help their children grow in self-awareness and in knowing their worth.


“Ask your child, ‘What are five things you like about yourself?’”


In a culture with abundant struggles with worthlessness and suicidality, you can see how this exercise has the opposite effect. We each have weaknesses and aspects of ourselves that need growth, but if we never take the time to consider any of our strengths or to become aware of natural capabilities we have, it can harm not only the way we see ourselves, but also may stop us from ministering to others in ways God may want us to. There is value in answering Dr. Sears' question for yourself. Knowing that God made you intentionally and for a purpose — what are five things you like about yourself? What if God creating you and valuing you is enough even if those around you fail to see these strengths and gifts?


Women in today’s world seem to crave external validation. This can be seen in a million ways — one of the most obvious being the sometimes scandalous way women present themselves online. Part of what drives this behavior is insecurity and a lack of clarity on their identity.


By answering Dr. Sears’ question and reflecting on how God may want us to use our gifts to serve those around us, we can be freed from low-dignity living. Having a personal walk with God and regularly reading Scripture and praying provides a foundation for our value that has nothing to do with how others perceive us. Only by developing a strong sense of who we are in Christ and by having clarity on our identity can we be healthy people in the world. Many of the most troubling dysfunctions in the modern era of narcissism, cliquey behavior, and a lack of critical thinking can be traced back to that failure of formation.


What are a few of your strengths? What are your spiritual gifts? And what if becoming aware of these gifts is not about you? When we have some clarity about how God has prepared us to minister to other people by the power of the Holy Spirit, we start to spend our time and invest our resources differently — with more effectiveness.


How about some of those natural weaknesses? Maybe God made you a very naturally organized person, but you struggle to be flexible. The Lord may be leading you to work on that lack of flexibility.


The journey of growing to know our worth in God and becoming self-aware about our strengths and weaknesses helps us to serve the Lord and those around us better. For example, have you ever interacted with a person who was not self-aware that they are quite harsh with others? Their lack of self-awareness also makes it difficult to talk with them about any negative impact they may have on you because they refuse to be honest with themselves about that opposite trait they are low on — gentleness. When we have the right combination of humility and selfless confidence, we are able to be real with ourselves that until we get to heaven, we will have more room for specific growth. If we want to honor God with the limited time we have on earth, it’s a good thing to become more self-aware and more specific about ways we can grow, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to become more like our perfect Savior.

Following God’s Call After Others Have Tried to Stop You

It seems like the right order of events that God led me to take that time to reflect on how He made me and to consider some of my own strengths and weaknesses before the next event of the year. It was on my heart — I needed to share the story of a baby who had been harmed by abortion.


Several years ago, a family member — my Great Aunt Leta Gerber — shared with me that she helped an OB/GYN perform an abortion at Munson Hospital in the years before Roe v. Wade. She shared about finding the body of a deceased baby boy in a hospital closet the next day — the result of this saline infusion abortion she helped carry out. I was told this story quite a while ago, and for some unknown reason, August of 2025 was the time I could not get the story off of my mind. I grabbed the phone and asked Leta, “Can I interview you? I think people should hear your story.” She agreed immediately even though she had never formally shared the story on a podcast before.


One minor problem. I didn’t have a podcast. I prayed about this. “God, I have this strong sense that you want this story to be told. But where am I supposed to share it? Am I really the right person to share it?”


I recalled one of the most embarrassing professional memories of my life. I was working for an anti-abortion organization. I had been asked to be in a professionally made video about pro-life activism alongside several other people. I drove over a hundred miles to the filming location, had my makeup done by a cosmetologist, and got all dressed up. When filming and production were complete, someone above me in the organization made a comment everyone in the corporation could view — “Cassidy is really coming off as awkward here.” I cringed. I had just watched the completed video and hadn’t thought that. The initial excitement I felt about this project began to evaporate as this comment percolated through my system.


I had just been humiliated in front of other staff. Cassidy is too awkward to be a part of this project was one person’s conclusion upon seeing me in this video I worked diligently on. I wanted to crawl into a cave and hide — also feeling betrayed by a person who was sharing non-constructive criticism of me in front of dozens of people.


I took a breath as the memory passed through my mind. I could allow this prior experience of group humiliation within the anti-abortion movement to stop me from sharing this preborn baby’s story and allow it to fade into oblivion, or I would have to share the story knowing other activists will perhaps see it and choose to make fun of me. Knowing some people “on your own side” will respond to your work in ways that do not reflect good faith intentions can be paralyzing. Last year in August, I wrestled with anxiety and felt uncertain about how to proceed.


I wrote in my journal:


“Lord Jesus, please go before me tomorrow. I will be filming Leta Gerber’s story on participating in an abortion. Please guide me in the conversation and help me by the power of your Holy Spirit. I pray for total peace. May I be at peace knowing that people from [an anti-abortion organization] may judge the work I produce tomorrow. May I work as unto you and not unto man” (8.17.25).


It was time to film the first-ever episode of the Embryo Advocates podcast.


I knew my resources were limited. I would be the interviewer, filmmaker, editor, marketer, and blogger on the project. It can be challenging to have to take on all the roles of a project, but if you’ve ever done advocacy in a dysfunctional group, you know it can be far easier to work independently. You’re really never the same after working somewhere the workplace culture is troubled. It can galvanize you to take risks and initiate an enormous amount of work that you tackle by yourself.


I also decided that I would avoid a common pitfall of modern pro-life activists. Advocates in this fight sometimes live as if the sun will only rise and fall if they make it happen. They put an enormous amount of pressure on themselves that is not from God. I decided right then and there that if I took on a new project — a new podcast — I was going to handle it in a balanced way. I absolutely would not set goals that would destroy my health or that were too extreme. So this podcast would have one new episode per month. Not a new episode every day — a killer goal for a person working independently. I would pursue balance and live with self-respect instead of modeling my behavior after other advocates who were chronically harried.


There are certain norms in some anti-abortion groups that lead to preventable health problems and mental illness. There is a way to do ministry work with balance — avoiding these dysfunctions. This can only happen if we remember that God is the One who holds the whole world in His hands — not us. We have to live with the knowledge that the Lord is the best advocate for the unborn — not us. It’s an incredible honor to be able to be a voice for the babies, but it’s crucial to remember that God does not need me. If I had never been born, God would still have ensured the work gets done in this world that He wants. He is not limited or bound by me. He is all-powerful. He chooses to use me, but the weight of the needs of this world does not rest on me, but on Him — my all-powerful Father in Heaven.


With these things in mind, the Embryo Advocates podcast was born.

Seeking Mental Healing for the Generations of Your Family

None of us choose the family tree we are born into. Each of us enters life extremely dependent upon our closest relatives — usually our parents. As we age, it’s normal to realize that every family has wounds, challenges, medical issues, and mental health sufferings of various kinds that have been experienced through the generations. We each get to decide as individuals if we want to pass down all of the family norms we have experienced so far in our lives, or if we seek to do things differently. In some families, particular kinds of woundedness can be carried for many generations. People usually don’t discuss these challenges because it can be very vulnerable. Some people consider it to be shameful to discuss the brokenness that exists — even though there isn’t a single family on the face of the earth that does not have at least some generational patterns that are unhealthy.


By my adolescence — nearing my senior year of high school — I developed new-onset severe depression. I felt alone and misunderstood as I waded through the deep waters of this sadness and darkness. Being a first-born girl, I have always been repulsed by asking for help — I’m highly independent, and I want to do things myself. But I eventually realized I would never get to the bottom of this struggle unless I brought others into what I was going through. God brought the most incredible Christian mental health therapist into my life. I slowly realized as I met with her that my depression wasn’t isolated only to me — I looked closer at my family tree and the struggles experienced through the generations.


An extended family member piqued my interest. He, of course, had different parents than me and had a different childhood than I had. But we both had depression. He was very open about it. In spite of being a hard-working professional — regularly carrying out the duties of a full-time job — and raising children with his wife, he suffered from extreme mental lows. For years, he had chronic suicidal ideation. He did not act on this ideation, saying that the only reason he would not was because he knew it was wrong in God’s eyes. But his suffering was so great that death genuinely felt ideal at the time.


I asked him more questions. It’s common when you experience depression to feel profound worthlessness — a feeling that plagued me in my adolescence. Did he feel that way too? If so, what did he believe caused it? Our conversation led us next to discussing certain parenting strategies that imply to children that they are not worth the time of their parents, even if the parent does not intend to communicate that. Childhood is such a significant time for the developing mind. Children are not so resilient that any random thing can be done to them without consequence. Our culture loves to emphasize, "Kids will get through this; they’re fine.” But what if they’re not? What if some parenting norms in society lay a foundation for a lifetime of mental suffering, particularly when that child has a genetic predisposition to depression?


Every generation — not only of a family, but also of a society — has norms that are good and norms that are bad. It takes serious discernment on the part of parents to be able to see through parenting fads of the day and consider if something being normal means it will also set their child up for success and mental health in their life. My extended family member talked about the cultural norms his parents faced many years ago. It was normal not to be warm, not to physically express any affection, and to tell children to be quiet.


Kids can be forced into silence. But it doesn’t mean they are ok just because they are not expressing a problem. Mental health professionals have found that, in some cases, a child may be mentally healthier if they are more demonstrative. It’s not an introvert versus extrovert problem — rather, this is an issue of psychological safety for every child. Do kids feel safe to be themselves? Do they feel that they can raise an issue without a parent retaliating against them? Or is there pressure to be fake and perform as though all is well when everything is actually going up in flames?


As I thought about the hurts my family has faced, I paused and asked for God’s intervention. “Lord Jesus, please enter into the generations of my family through me. May generational curses be broken by the powerful work of your Holy Spirit in and through my life” (10.7.25).


One tool I used to begin understanding my family through the generations was “A Family Genogram Workbook.” This guide provides ways to grow in insight and understanding about our families and the patterns that get passed on through the generations.

“There is no greater shaping influence on our lives than the families that raised us. Families influence and establish patterns of behavior that we are not even aware of. In fact, we rarely realize that these patterns are passed on from generation to generation. Families teach us how to function in society and how to relate to others. From our families we learn how to be a friend, a lover, a spouse, a parent, and a worker; how we approach spirituality, faith and religion; how we go about problem solving and whether we are more likely to project positive or negative attitudes. Our family of origin influences everything from language to mannerisms. This is obvious by the very different ways particular families interact. One family may have a largely non-verbal, non-confrontational way of interacting. Meanwhile, its neighbors may have a very loud and provocative style. When individuals from these two different families meet, it is likely that their patterns of interactions will make for awkward moments if not misunderstandings or difficulties. While these family influences do not dictate exactly what we will become in a deterministic sense, they do supply us with most of the raw material that we must work with” (1).

In a culture deeply impacted by feminism and Communism, we tend to greatly discount the impact of family life. But as the quote above illustrates, our families play such an important role in our development. The more we devalue the family, the more we lose our capacity for insight about ourselves, others, our behavior, and our relationships.


One of the most incredible books I read this year was “Something Wicked: Why Feminism Can’t Be Fused With Christianity” by Dr. Carrie Gress (2). This powerful expose of feminism goes to lengths of explanation on why our current culture sees family affairs as unimportant compared to personal endeavors. We have stunted our societal consciousness of the formative power of mothers, fathers, and siblings on one another through the generations. When we make the brave choice to open our eyes to the impact of our private lives with our family of origin in our childhoods, we can, alas, gain the awareness that must be present in us before we are able to make concrete changes out of generationally repeated patterns of woundedness and into wholeness and healing in Christ Himself. God is such a loving and powerful healer and He cares about every wound and every form of brokenness the generations of our families have faced. He can change the things that feel impossible to transform.


That extended family member I mentioned to you? Well, God decided to show His powerful ability to heal in his life. Although he had been plagued by depression for more years than he could count, my extended family member experienced God’s miraculous healing of his depression. This wasn’t a “showy” sort of healing that happened at some kind of magic healer show. Rather, after praying for years, and years, and years, my extended family member came to a day when his depression lifted. He hadn’t done anything new or out of the ordinary — just one day, God answered his prayer to be free from the weight of suicidal ideation and depression. There was healing from the pain that was inflicted on him in his childhood.


I love this story from my extended family member because it is such a powerful reminder that God is always at work in our lives even when we can’t see it. God hears our prayers to Him for healing for ourselves and our families. We may not receive as drastic of an answer as my extended family member did — feeling completely set free from depression — but we can have confidence that we have the kind of Father in heaven who always hears us and who cares about our wounds more than we do.


I’m thankful to follow a God who is a miracle worker, healer, and a perfect Father to us. The existence of family on earth is a reminder of a heavenly reality — for those who believe in Christ, we are all members of the family of God. And one day we will all be together in heaven with our perfect Father who delights to be with his children. Every family on earth experiences brokenness and wounds of various kinds, but in heaven we will experience family in its fullness and wholeness — unmarred by sin or a fallen world. So if we don’t have healing in our families today, we can always have hope as we look on to eternity, knowing we serve a God who will one day make all things right.

God Is In Control

When you face seasons of life that are uncertain, how do you handle it? I think one of the greatest benefits of facing the unknown in our lives is that it reminds us we are not in control. God is the One who set the solar system into motion and invented each of us as individuals. Every time I face a time of life where the next steps are unclear, God meets me and reminds me of His sovereign control over all things and that He is the vast and extraordinary Creator. It’s not easy to be uncertain about what lies ahead — when each of us face those moments — but when we can’t see the full picture, it causes us to turn to God and seek Him for guidance. In November 2025, I took some time to meditate on the fact that the Lord reigns over every circumstance of my life.


I penned these verses and this quote into my light blue journal —


“...You, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love” (Psalm 59:17c).


“O my strength, I will watch for you, for you, O God, are my fortress” (Psalm 59:9).


“You have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress” (Psalm 59:16b).


“It shall happen as God shall choose, for assuredly we depend not on our own power, but on the power of God” (Perpetua of Carthage).


I think one of God’s purposes in the suffering we face in this life is to take our eyes off this world which is passing away and to lift our eyes onto Him and eternity. I pray for those who read this blog that when you encounter challenges of numerous kinds that you may draw near to God, knowing He will draw near to you as you seek Him (see James 4:8). The hardships and heartaches we face can serve as a turning point for revival and renewed closeness with God.

Private Virtue and Bold Confessing

Have you ever met someone hypocritical before? A person who talks on and on about virtue or goodness but fails to actually live out anything they profess? These people can be extremely repulsive to interact with because their life is a massive paradox to their message. All of us have the capacity to be hypocritical. There is something about the day and age we live in that may actually make us more prone to disingenuousness. The social media era encourages us to engage in virtue signaling — to kiss up to the right people and “right” ideas.


A real relationship with God will never lead you to kiss up to people in power. Kissing up is a form of manipulation — love bombing people who have something you want, to try to get them to respond in the way you want them to. Some workplaces, churches, or friend groups encourage kissing up — this can destroy your capacity to build character. When we only focus on not offending a person we perceive to be at the top of a given social hierarchy and do not actually regard God and eternal truth, the Lord will eventually hold us accountable for that hypocrisy.


God always knows our hearts and if we are genuinely seeking Him or not. He searches out our motivations.


“The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually…It grieved [God] to His heart” (Genesis 6:5,6b).


In December 2025, as I was reading this passage, a study Bible note caught my attention.


“Sin is a disease that pervades and runs through every part of our moral constitution and every faculty of our minds. The understanding, the affections, the reasoning powers, the will, are all more or less infected. Even the conscience is so blinded that it cannot be depended on as a sure guide, and is as likely to lead men wrong as right, unless it is enlightened by the Holy Ghost. The disease may be veiled under a thin covering of courtesy, politeness, good manners, and outward decorum; but it lies deep down in the constitution” (J.C. Ryle [3]).


Our deepest motives matter to God, and He sees them. Nothing in our hearts lies outside the Lord’s ability to notice.


Martin Luther examined this passage in Genesis about Noah and concluded that he was an excellent example of a man who truly regarded God.


“Noah was not simply just holy for himself, but he was also a confessor; he taught others the promises and threats of God, and performed and suffered all that behoves a public personage in an age so exceedingly wicked and corrupt” (3).


Real Christian faith transforms people to have both private virtue and to become bold confessors of eternal truth. But both must exist. If a person professes Christianity and says all the Christian talking points, but their life speaks the opposite message, it’s a bad sign — the fruit of the Spirit isn’t there in the person’s private life, so the likelihood that the faith is genuine is very low. On the other hand, a person might truly have the Spirit of God dwelling in them — building private virtue day by day as they read Scripture and are sanctified in life. But if this person lacks the willingness to share eternal truths that may be unpopular in the given era they are living in, God will hold them accountable for failing to speak His truth.


As it has been so wisely said by Erwin Lutzer, “The truth hurts, but the truth heals.” Our culture is very damaged by sin and separation from God; therefore, sharing eternal truths and the Gospel may come across as offensive. It’s not unlike a doctor telling their patient to stop doing drugs — withdrawal from the bad substances is going to hurt, but the alternative is to die from addiction-related complications. Our modern society is like that. We need “medication” from the Holy Spirit to heal our ailments which sin has caused. Jesus is the medicine, but His truth is unpopular in the postmodern era. The medicine doesn’t taste good in a society craving sin. But as the Holy Spirit brings conviction and changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (like it says in Ezekiel 36:26), sinners are transformed into saints.


How’s it going in your own life? Are you becoming both a person of private virtue and a bold confessor? God wants us to be like Noah — to live for Him and speak the truth even when the culture around us may reject us as a result. Broken societies can change when they receive the Gospel and are revived, but it often takes a lot of small but faithful Christians, sharing God’s truth when it’s not well received, before the fruit is born.


“He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him” (Psalm 126:6).

Your Convictions Are Only As Real As They Are When Tested

Earlier in this post, we discussed my Great Aunt Leta Gerber, who was pressured into assisting with an abortion when she was a young nurse at Munson Hospital in Michigan. Her story has left a profound impact on me. The truth is, the field of health care is powerful, and it does present many of us with moments we may have to consider the ethics of something that is happening. There are things that we may in theory have the power to do to the human body. Just because we could do something to the human body does not mean that we should do it. This is the whole idea of bioethics.


As I considered Great Aunt Leta’s story of helping to perform an abortion then regretting it for the rest of her life, God allowed me to also encounter a situation where I was asked to participate in an act that did not align with my religious views at work. I felt a lump in my throat. Fear rose in me. What should I do? Immediately, I knew, with the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I would have to decline to participate.


This became a multi-month-long situation where I had to wrestle against fear and do the best I could to live with full integrity — not participating in things that are not aligned with my faith.


I had just met an amazing person who is an expert in federal law as it applies to the conscience rights of medical workers. Must have been God’s timing that I met her mere days before I encountered a situation that would try my faith. Did you know that there is a department of the federal government that exists to protect the consciences of medical workers? The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has a Conscience and Religious Freedom department.


According to federal law, it is considered religious discrimination against an employee to fail to make reasonable accommodation when they request an exemption from participating in abortion, elective sterilization, or physician-assisted suicide. Most medical workers do not know that federal laws exist to protect them from participating in things that go against their faith. I wish my Great Aunt Leta had known about these federal laws that would have protected her that day long ago when an OB/GYN asked for her help performing an abortion on a hospital Labor and Delivery Unit at Munson Hospital. She was not obligated to participate, but these conscience rights were not well known then.


If you are a medical worker, may you have Scripture-informed convictions that guide you in the care you provide for your patients. May loving God change the way you care for your vulnerable patients, and may it make you protect them and help them even more robustly than ever before.


When things worked out despite the uncertainty of not knowing if I would be accommodated, I grabbed my journal and reflected —


“Holy Spirit, this was all you.”


That still, small voice guiding you to make sure your actions honor God is from the Holy Spirit. The more we yield ourselves to God, the more we can clearly discern His guidance in the challenging situations all of us face in our lives. May you have experiences like this in your life too, where you can look back and have no human explanation possible at all. May you say that same phrase, “Holy Spirit, this was all you!”

What Causes Women to Attack Other Women? An Examination of the Impact of Feminism on the Female Tendency to Scapegoat

As I mentioned earlier in this post, the book “Something Wicked” by Dr. Carrie Gress is one of the most impactful books I have ever read. I just finished reading it this month. It provided a lot of context on some less-than-great professional experiences I’ve had in my life. For whatever reason, I have had very few problems with the men I have worked with in professional contexts, but have at times experienced backbiting and jealous behaviors from other women in the workplace. I’ve spent a lot of time considering these interactions and what motivates women — especially those who profess to be Christians — to be harmful to other females at work. The book “Something Wicked,” I believe, provides part of the insight I was searching for.


The cultural message around feminism is that it exists to empower women. Interestingly, though, the women who most tout feminist talking points tend to also be the most insecure and the most likely to feel threatened by females around them at work.


I considered how I have seen this play out in unhealthy groups of women.


Women who challenge other women are not welcome. Only females who disingenuously kiss up to women in power are accepted. Genuine intellectual curiosity is punished while shallow misunderstandings of harmful ideologies (such as feminism) are touted as a battle cry. In these environments, women are praised for superficiality and materialism, while intellectual rigor and depth are counted worse than being infected with a deadly case of Ebola.


It is not a loss to be ousted by other women who engage in backbiting, fake niceness, and performative behavior. In case no one ever told you, you deserve better. Do not settle for friend groups, relationships, or workplaces that scapegoat the truth speaker and ignore real problems.



If you want fulfilling and meaningful relationships, you have to never settle for being around women who willingly choose superficiality over developing their minds the way God wants them to. God doesn’t want us to stay “as infants” (see Hebrews 5). He is a good Father who wants his kids to eventually mature. Part of maturing means regulating your emotions enough not to lash out at other people when you feel dysregulated. Part of maturing means we become uncomfortable with not completely understanding something important, instead of assuming if someone else also adopted this ideology then it must be true.


To truly know God changes women from the ugliness that feminism can create in us — He causes us to say goodbye to the chronic victimhood, rage, aggression, blaming, and devaluation of children and family. Letting go of feminism and embracing a Scripture-based form of Christianity causes women to be people of accountability for their own wrongdoing (we all mess things up sometimes, and this is best handled by owning it), and the Holy Spirit drives out the fruit of the flesh and causes us to be marked by the fruit of the Spirit instead. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control — these are the opposite of what feminism wants women to develop.


Meekness looks like weakness to a movement focused on power and control. But genuine Christians who have a real walk with God know that human beings who chase power and control are chasing the wind — God is the One who holds all the power and all the control, and He is trustworthy in the way He plans and directs everything. When we think we “take back control” in a spirit of feminism, we may cause some damage — hurting ourselves and others — but, at the end of the day, God is still the One in control. If you want a significant and fulfilling life, that is found by yielding your will to the God who created all things and holds sway over it all — not by trying to grab power.


Heading into my late twenties — year twenty-seven of my life — I am so grateful for the people like Dr. Carrie Gress and others who have had the courage to speak the truth to women. Seeing ourselves as oppressed victims does not equip us to live a meaningful Christian life. If we truly want to make a mark on this world for God, we have to be set free from the vices of feminism such as rage, blaming, scapegoating, and coddling ourselves. It’s time to be the adult women that we are — it’s time for responsibility and growth in selflessness instead of chronically enabling our own self-indulgence that feels good in the moment, but prevents us from engaging in eternally meaningful work and relationships in the long-term forward movement of our lives.


Growth as a Christian requires that I increase in discernment. True Christian discernment detects the deception in worldly movements like feminism — an ideology that makes enormous promises that never materialize while leaving women alone, isolated, and ultimately miserable. Christianity is profoundly anti-feminist, and Christian feminism does not exist as a real ideology. This is not because our faith is anti-woman. When we examine history, the greatest good for women has never been accomplished by feminism, but by Christianity itself. If we want our world to gain a better anthropology for the worth of women, we must share with them Christianity, not deceptive and empty feminism.


So, in year twenty-seven, being that I’m currently unmarried and childless, you will find me still developing myself professionally full-time, and as I engage in those endeavors almost daily, feminism is not what made my growth possible. Instead, it is the Holy Spirit Himself who meets me — God created me Himself. I was His original idea (all of us are!). The best personal and professional development I can engage in is driven by the guidance of Jesus Himself, who sees the whole picture of His purposes for me in light of eternity.


As it’s been said by Sheologians, “Feminism won’t save you,” but Jesus will. And that extraordinary hope has changed every day of my life. That the Savior of the world is such a powerful and loving Father to me that He is constantly providing, tending to me, and meeting my needs. I can walk into year twenty-seven with confidence that my Creator sees every aspect of who I am and is committed to guiding me with His love.


Whatever you’re facing in your own life today, I pray that the Lord meets you with His life-changing compassion and power. May He show you His love and lead you to the foot of the cross. After all, He is the sort of God who has this absolutely incredible kindness that not only shows us grace, but also leads us to repentance. May your life bear fruit that matters not only in the here and now, but for all eternity.


“In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Roman 8:37b).


“Or do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4).


“You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” (Matthew 7:16).

---

Works Cited

1 Galindo, Boomer, et al. “A Family Genogram Workbook.” Educational Consultants. 2016. [One note on this particular resource. There are many wonderful things about it! However, I do disagree with their promotion of the use of the enneagram, as this has been shown to have spiritually dark roots. I hope that maybe you’ll use this workbook to help you discern the norms of your family, but I do advise steering clear of the enneagram and, of course, trying this resource as any other, to the Word of God].

2 Gress, Carrie. "Something Wicked: Why Feminism Can't Be Fused With Christianity." Sophia Institute Press. 2026.

3 Nicols, Mathison, et al. “ESV Church History Study Bible.” Crossway. 2022. p.12.

Kindness as an Act of Rebellion

 Several years ago, when I was nineteen, I started my very first hospital job. To say I was excited would be an understatement — I was boundlessly enthusiastic about the opportunity. I imagined life and death scenarios where my resuscitation training would be utilized and I would contribute to a high-performing, life-saving team. I wasn't sure exactly what I would experience on the unit each day, but one thing was certain — I was going to have a chance to impact patients' lives.

What I had absolutely no idea might happen was encountering workplace cliques and culture struggles. I started orientation and learned new skills and knowledge; soon enough, training was done, and I was on my own. I realized quickly that I was on the "out" with the cool people and had a hard time making friends. Who was in my corner? I wasn't sure. 

I frequently witnessed aggressive behavior from staff to staff. Listening in to the banter at the nurse's station often resulted in overhearing malicious gossip and even straight-up slander against coworkers, management, and patients alike. People were harshly confronted for small, unintentional mistakes. One afternoon, a manager yelled at a fellow nursing assistant in front of staff and patients for a minor mishap, reducing her to pain and tears. 

I couldn't put it into words then, but I was daily experiencing a lack of psychological safety at work. Still being my idealistic self, I believed there must be good somewhere in this corporation. I was paid to attend workplace culture training — it was refreshing. The only problem was that most concepts related to healthy culture were completely absent in the unit. How could one lone nursing assistant change this drastic, long-standing problem? Why had I been sent to this class? Wasn't this a thing for management?

Several months passed, and I still did not feel comfortable at work, so I sought an internal transfer. I attempted to explain as professionally as possible to human resources that I felt another specialty would be better suited to my skills — hinting that I may have to find employment elsewhere if they did not have any other openings.

Despite attempts to apply for internal transfer, nothing happened, and I was continually face-to-face with an environment where cliques flourished, disrespect was prevalent, cattiness was the chosen form of communication, and all actions of kindness and care were seen as naive flaws.

Eventually, I moved on to a different corporation, but I have never forgotten the impact those people made on me, who behaved as if cruelty and gossip were strategic actions necessary for professional success.

The things I witnessed at that organization caused me to turn to Scripture. 

Were these professionals correct that kindness is only for people who are dumb and inexperienced? Is it a sign someone is less shrewd if they love genuinely? Are people who reach out to others simply naive and uncool?

My study of God's Word made me dig my heels in deeper to my belief that being passionate about expressing kindness reflects our Lord Jesus, and is not a sign of stupidity.

Kindness became my act of rebellion.

Maybe the only way to become a member of that workplace clique was to be harsh and hateful. People who care genuinely are not welcome. If that's the case, wouldn't it be an honor to be an outsider? What a blessing not to fit in somewhere that requires you to cause others psychological harm to be considered a member of the group.

People will do unconscionable things in social groups that they would have never imagined doing on their own. Sometimes the power of the crowd drives people to act thoughtlessly. Scripture reminds us of this.

“Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd" (Exodus 23:2).

God is able to give each of us sufficient courage to be a presence of real love in nasty places. Do not follow crowds enraptured by fame and power that will one day fade away with this world. You can't take your popularity and your clique with you to heaven. But every soul will stand before God and give an account to Him for the life they have lived (see Rom. 14:12). So make choices you can own with all your heart — don't be fake and harmful. Instead, pray that God will transform you so deeply that you desire to show mercy and love to others.

A person who delights to see others suffer is not exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit. 

"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires" (Galatians 5:19-24).

In this passage, the word for kindness is chréstotés, which means gentleness, goodness, and usefulness. Help's Word Studies describes it this way:

"5544 /xrēstótēs ("useful kindness") refers to meeting real needs, in God's way, in His timing (fashion). Hence 5544 (xrēstótēs) is listed as a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22). With the believer, 5544 /xrēstótēs ("divine kindness") is the Spirit-produced goodness which meets the need and avoids human harshness (cruelty). "We have no term that quite carries this notion of kind and good" (WP, 1, 92)."

If the social norm is nastiness where you spend your time, may you be the most profound misfit that environment has ever seen. May God give you grace to overcome evil with good (see Romans 12:21).

One person who became known for abnormal kindness was Rachel Joy Scott. A student of Columbine High School, Rachel noticed that people who had special needs, were new, or were outcasts in some other way, were rarely shown love. She resolved to go out of her way to care for them. She once said: 

“Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer. I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.”

On April 20, 1999, Rachel was confronted by fellow student Eric Harris, who allegedly asked if she believed in God. When Rachel confirmed that she did, she was shot to death in the high school at just seventeen years of age. She became a Christian martyr who loved not her life unto death.

What was said of Rachel in the days after her death? She was incredibly kind to all who God placed in her path and genuinely lived out her faith, even though it was unpopular at Columbine. Rachel didn't know it then, but the childhood dream she had of being a missionary had come true — not in a foreign country with special training. Instead, she created a ministry with an impact that was more powerful than many organized missions with significant funding. Her life was the message — and her words were more powerful because of the way she lived it out every day.

What will people say about you when the day comes for you to depart from this world?

Will you be known for your popularity, trendiness, and coldness towards those not deemed good enough for the social group you belong to? Or will you be known as a genuine believer who — by the work of the Holy Spirit living in you — exhibited powerful kindness that led others to repentance and a meaningful relationship with God?

Being mean may feel like the armor that protects you from other people's harm, but sooner or later, those who are nasty will reap the harvest of their behavior, just like Scripture says. 

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows" (Galatians 6:7).

What is cool on earth isn't cool in heaven. May God give you grace to live in light of eternity — you were made to dwell forever in the presence of God. In heaven, grace, love, mercy, and kindness will be the ways of the crowd. Live in alignment with that social group, instead of allowing your character to rot to fit in with people who have an eye for everything that is passing away with this world. Sow kindness, and point to Jesus. On earth — where nastiness can become the norm — may you be a rebel; someone who is being conformed day by day to the image of Jesus the Son.

He will always give you enough strength to live like Him in the hardest places.

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil" (Luke 6:35).

Reflections on Twenty-Five: The God Who Always Sees Us Through

“Behold, God is my Helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life” (Psalm 54:4).

365 days have passed by once again, and a new year of life is beginning! In typical Let My Life Be a Light fashion, let's reflect on some of the ways God kindly, powerfully, and sometimes painfully worked in my life over the course of the previous year.

As you may recall, if you read last year's reflections, in July 2024, I started an unexpected transition out of a job I thought I would have for much longer. I found myself frequently praying for clarity, direction, and the will to keep fighting for the preborn — even if that wasn't my full-time paid job anymore. I was feeling some sort of burnout inside my heart and soul towards the pro-life cause, but I knew that the stakes were still so high for the babies — more than 3,000 are killed daily. And thus, I was striving to strike the right balance between pursuing rest after a season of being almost constantly overworked and pushing myself to keep up the advocacy that was so close to my heart. 

I knew the only way I could continue pro-life work in such a weary state was if God Himself carried me. I grabbed a pen and wrote down a verse, "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me" (Psalm 63:8). It was during that same week that God threw the door open to a form of activism I have always found invigorating — a protest against Planned Parenthood. This one took place near the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, IL. I joined my friend, pro-life atheist Terrisa Bukovinac, to protest Planned Parenthood's presence at the convention where they were dispensing abortion pills. We were able to speak up for moms and babies alike as women entered into Planned Parenthood's creepy abortion van. We offered alternatives to abortion and encouraged the abortion workers to leave the industry of death behind. Experiencing the protest brought joy and a bit of grief — it was a reminder that I did less of this form of work than before. I poured out my prayer into a journal, "Help me to let go and trust in the midst of my season — I think I miss a lot of things about doing pro-life work full-time" (08.22.24). But I also knew it would never again be the right fit for me to work in that same environment I left in July.

The following month, I found myself once again deeply impacted by abortion. “Dear Lord Jesus, right now it is just past midnight…barely Friday. I couldn’t sleep, so I grabbed my phone and opened Twitter. It was then that I found out that pro-life progressive and activist [name redacted] aborted her own son or daughter and has become pro-abortion. Lord Jesus, my heart just breaks at the thought…I am so sad this little baby was killed. A beautiful child was violently murdered...I wish I could have protected that baby. ‘They cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distress’ (Psalm 107:28). Jesus, the unborn are crying out to you. Please deliver every one of them from their distress. Please deliver [the child’s mother] from the kingdom of darkness and bring her into your kingdom of light….Please bless, and in the right time, comfort the pro-life activists who sacrificed so much to try to save her baby. Help them as they grieve this profound loss…I think of the story of Toni McFadden and how she had an abortion when she was young. God, you rescued and saved and transformed her after that. Please rescue and save and transform the life of a post-abortive woman once again…Show us your power and save [woman’s name]’s soul for all eternity" (09.13.24).

Pro-Life Activist Has An Abortion

The intentional decapitation of a baby who came to exist in the womb of a pro-life mother was truly shocking and devastating. One moment, the child's mother was pro-life and attending regular anti-abortion protests — the next thing we knew, she was not only pro-choice, but had made her own appointment to have her child's life taken away by Planned Parenthood. Some of my friends became aware of the woman's abortion-mindedness before she went through with it; I honor them for their willingness to reach out to her and offer her every form of support they could. Their advocacy was not in vain — the preborn baby had a right to our utmost defense. May God eternally bless those who saw this little one as worth fighting for — they faced contempt from the baby's mother by offering abortion alternatives. Even now that the poor, precious child has been violently taken from the world far too soon, I believe strongly in God's ability to reach and redeem any and every post-abortive woman. 

Will you join me in praying for this woman to be reached with the Gospel? Pray with me for her healing — mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically — from the procedure known to not only kill preborn humans, but to also leave lasting harm on the mother. Thousands of women have shared through the organization Silent No More Awareness about the impact of their abortion. A notable feature of post-abortion mindsets is that in some pro-choice mothers, they may feel initial relief, but tend to experience mental, attachment, relational, and in some cases, physical struggles in the later aftermath. In part due to fast-paced American culture, some women are able to push the memory of their abortion out of their conscious memory during their working years. It may not be until life slows down and there is more time to reflect — in retirement, for example — that some women finally realize the abortion they said did not bother them had actually left significant wounds they were medicating with busyness, overworking, or other coping strategies. 

A Billion Abortions

All this to say, abortion creates generational harm. Every person in the wake of abortion is damaged. Including those of us who are not biologically related to these babies, but share the culture, society, and world these little ones were meant to be a part of. We have missed out on their beautiful humanity. The globe is struck with a grief it delusionally denies is present. Experts have attempted to make an educated guess on the total number of abortions around the globe; their estimates are that between the years 1921 and 2015, 1,000,000,000 abortions have taken place. A billion babies have been senselessly killed, and their blood cries out from the ground demanding justice. May God deliver us from the dark age of legal abortion, and may every baby be protected from violence in the womb.

Dating and the Uncertainty It Brings

Moving back to our review of the year, in September 2024, I was processing uncertainty. I had started dating a guy, and was nervous because I didn't know if we would end up married in the end or if we would break up. "You are my eternally caring father who is present with me as I process every various thought that crosses my mind. Lord Jesus, thank you that I can always trust you and that you always come through — coming to my aid. Help my heart and please give me peace" (09.26.24). 

Dating offers zero guarantees — the relationship could work out and you might stay together forever, or you might break up and part ways. Only God knows what the result will be. You have to do your part to be discerning and try to figure out if the relationship would be a good fit, but in the end, God is in control. He decides if the door will be open and if it will move forward with joy, or if one or both parties will reach a point where they agree it's time to go on without each other. That's a tough reality to wrestle with when you genuinely care about the person you date (and you should only date people you have real concern for, otherwise you will damage people severely). "Thank you that you are in control over every area of my life and that you are fully trustworthy. You are who you say you are" (10.20.24).

"There did we rejoice in Him who rules by His might forever" (Psalm 66:6b-7a).

God Shows Himself in the Difficulties of Providence

On a December day, I felt angst in my chest. I knew I had reached a state that only God could deliver me from in my fear, so I picked up my Bible study journal and began writing out a passage from the book of John. God is such a kind and powerful Father. When you suffer, He always cares enormously, and He is perfectly able to bring peace in the midst of our storms. 

"How powerful and how kind is the Lord God Almighty? I was struggling so much this morning with what I wrote [earlier in the day in my journal]...Then God met me so very powerfully in my quiet time with Him this morning. I was continuing through my 'Write the Word' journal, and had to write out a passage from John 9 today. ‘And His disciples asked Him, ‘Who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him’ (John 9:2-3). Then my study Bible had this quote regarding the passage — 'The difficulties of providence, otherwise unaccountable, may be resolved into this: God intends in them to show Himself, to declare His glory.’ (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible). God Almighty, thank you that my sufferings and trials and difficulties are not for nothing" (12.27.24).

Isn't it amazing that when we face suffering that may not make sense, God is literally involved in every detail of it? Somehow, our hardest times are unfolding according to the counsel of His will, and He is working it out for our good.

"In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will" (Ephesians 1:11).

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Jesus is our Great High Priest, and He lives forever to make intercession for us before God the Father (see Hebrews 7:25). So when we face those challenges of providence, we can be completely confident that God not only sees what we are going through — there is continual prayer and advocacy on our behalf! Praise the Lord that we have that kind of Father — who never overlooks us, forgets us, or fails us. His presence and faithfulness are continual.

Tears and Consolation

February was a challenging month. I kept busy with a regular schedule of work, school, church events, and spending time with my boyfriend. And, for some reason, we hit a patch in that relationship that was grieving me without a clear explanation. (02.07.25) "I can’t believe how much I cried last night. I was inconsolable for hours, it seemed like. I was just really devastated. Lord Jesus, please help me take everything one day at a time…You are the only One who actually knows what the future will hold…Only you know. Please help me to trust you completely and entirely with my life. Help me to entrust my relationship status to you. If it’s in your plan for us to break up, then please help me to wholly entrust my singleness to you. I need help finding peace in you when my circumstances are full of uncertainty. So please give me the grace to trust you. Give me great faith and confidence in your character — that you are a good God of love. You see me in all that I suffer. 'You’re with me in the middle of it all, God. You’re catching every tear as it falls down' (Hannah Ker)." 

We don't get to decide how our seasons of life will go. Sometimes you "do things right" as much as you can, but still experience pain. Maybe God allows this so we can know Him as our Refuge more than ever before.

"God is my refuge and very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1).

Adverse Childhood Experiences and Controversy

Sometimes grief is just a part of life — don't we all experience that?! But for those of us who are blessed with depression, it can sometimes be more than just a little sadness here and there. For several years, I have been working on my mental health, with the goal of becoming as healthy as I can personally be. Some people have very good experiences in their childhood, and others face types of suffering that can cause distress while they are small and unable to fully process the events. I fell into the latter group. Because of this, it has taken a lot of work to get to the bottom of the cause of my sometimes-prolonged sorrow and pain. One theory psychologists have developed to help explain why some kids thrive and others not only struggle in childhood but may arrive at adulthood with a lot of challenges to overcome is something called Adverse Childhood Experiences. This term encapsulates various kinds of adversity that kids can face that may cause psychological damage, and where to go from there when you're ready to work on healing.

If you follow me on social media, you know I'm not afraid to discuss controversial but important topics. As I've aged, I've chilled out some — I don't discuss every little controversy that interests me now, but I am still willing to share unpopular but necessary information, especially if it could protect the vulnerable. And that's the state of mind I was in when I shared a simple post someone else wrote to my Instagram story. I won't go into all the depths about that post here, but you can go down a lot of research rabbit holes on the topic of childhood attachment. Humans only survive infancy because of attentive caregivers. We are all born incredibly neurologically and physically fragile. It takes a lot of tireless work from our parents to help us grow beyond this stage of intense neediness. But we not only have physical needs; we have to form a healthy bond with our caregiver(s) in order to thrive. It was a post in this spirit that unintentionally stirred the pot.

I received a direct message from a woman I had known for several years. Just a few months prior, I mailed her a gift for her new baby and congratulated her on the child's birth. I had attempted to be supportive to her and listen to her experiences with pregnancy and growing her family when we had previously talked in person. Suddenly, the post I shared about childhood attachment convinced her I needed a strong rebuke. I penned in my journal: "She told me…that I am not a parent, so it would be very hard for me to understand. She also told me that this is not a moral issue like abortion, and so I should not be sharing judgmental things like this. One thing is true. I am not a parent. However, I was the child who experienced (likely) psychological damage from the practice she says I have no right to address. This is a very oppressive mindset — that if I am not a parent, I have no right to speak on issues that could create lifelong psychological harm, and that makes relationships harder as an adult."

Those of us who have experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences, and share information about mental wellness and attachment, may be attacked as uncompassionate judges who just want to shame people — when nothing could be further from the truth. The truth is, children not only have a right not to be violently murdered in the womb. They also have a right to excellent care from their parents after birth. Obviously, parents can only do their best, and sometimes — especially when parents are mentally or physically ill —they may have significant limitations in how they care for their children. But we should make it our goal as a society to heighten our responsiveness to the needs of children — we must not shame kids for needing love, support, attention, and care from their parents. It is in the absence of these things that, if the genetics and environment are prime for it, mental illness can develop in a child, and it may last a lifetime. This is both a tragedy and a reality. 

What It Says About Us When We're Triggered

You can attempt to share important information gently, and people may still choose to see you as negatively as possible in that context. This usually comes from unresolved personal issues. We all have them. We have all probably had the experience where someone says or posts something that should not feel offensive to us, but it does because it triggers something that is unresolved inside us. 

We each have a responsibility to take ownership of our mental health, or lack thereof. If people say something you do not like and you can tell that you are becoming emotionally escalated, there is a pretty high likelihood that the person you are speaking with may not be in need of a rebuke — there is something inside yourself that is asking for more attention. 

Sometimes our emotional wounds can stay very conveniently covered until someone inconveniences us by saying something that is shared from a gentle heart, but touches on that hurt we would rather ignore than deal with. If people lash out at you — like I experienced — it's important to remember that we are all broken human beings, and if we don't take responsibility for our own mental states and wounds, we will unhealthily blame others and miss out on vital opportunities for greater healing of our personal wounds.

Triggers are unavoidable in life. We will all likely face them. And when we do, it will do us much good to remember that painful emotional states are an invitation to deeper healing. It will probably be inconvenient. You might have to call a therapist and sit down to talk through the worst events of your life. You might have to face things about your life or personal history that you would rather overlook. But the truth is, the triggered emotional state probably won't go away if we simply resort to blaming people who are not responsible for our wounds or if we try to avoid all emotions by dwelling only in the logical part of our brains. There is an entire book on this subject called "Parenting from the Inside Out" by Dr. Daniel Siegel that is so fascinating — sometimes we defend ourselves from pain by shutting down our capacity to feel. This will never heal you — you are hiding, and sooner or later, another trigger will come, and you will be back at square one.

The entire topic of mental health could be its own post. The same is true with Adverse Childhood Experiences and attachment science. So I'll just conclude here before I go on about these topics that have demanded more of my attention than I expected, so that I could process through my own wounds and begin healing mentally.

When Trepidation Strikes

Life is full of unforeseeable events — it's a part of being a finite, non-omniscient being. Thankfully, God sees it all, and as He unfolds His plans for us in accordance with His will — which can seem mysterious at times — He is with us every step. "Sometimes there are no immediate answers and you just have to wait on God. I think that’s where I am. Oh Lord, give me discernment and courage" (02.18.25).

I wrote down four verses that I needed in a season of unease. 

"Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you'" (Hebrews 13:5).

"Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?" (Psalm 139:7).

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10).

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7).

I think my heart was sensing that things were up and down in my dating relationship. "Lord God Almighty, thank you for your presence in past and present losses. I can trust you with any difficulty, grief, loss, or hardship you sovereignly allow in my life. Today, for seemingly no reason, I am struck by anxiety and a temptation to fear. Please meet me here in my uncertainty, and please provide peace. Whatever losses I may experience in the future, may I trust you fully through it all" (03.20.25).

Unfortunately, that perception that things might not be going well proved to be correct in the end. "'And being found in human form He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth' (Phil 2:8-10). 'Jesus, thank you for humbling yourself and becoming obedient even unto death. Your name is above every other name. If this relationship with [boyfriend] ends, you will still be in control of all things, and you will care for me well and for him well" (04.07.25). By the end of that month, we parted ways.

Breaking Up

The breakup of year 25 is not my first; even so, it was marked by grief and heartache. Christian dating is an interesting thing; we form attachments with a significant other to discern if we could possibly unite our lives and glorify God together. Sounds exciting, but it can be complicated, when we are each individual humans who bring our own backgrounds that are impacted by childhood, past relationships, beliefs, convictions that are important to us, work commitments, and the plans we carry for the future. Can it all fit together, or, in the end, will we have to go our separate ways?

While I was dating this past year, I picked up a book that helped me through the discernment process. To be honest, I am a bit jaded with Christian dating books because some of them are lacking in depth in my opinion, so I didn't expect much when I picked up this book, but it ended up being incredibly helpful. "The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas was convicting and clarifying. It helped me grow in self-awareness — thinking more deeply about what I want out of a future marriage. When we have expectations inside of ourselves that we are not aware of, it can cause relational strife and problems, but when we know more clearly what we're looking for in a relationship and what our values are, it makes the process of dating more straightforward.

Even if the discernment process becomes clearer, it doesn't make the experience of breaking up pain-free. When we encounter loss, grieving is a healthy response. It is unhealthy to avoid appropriately processing heartbreak and pain. Do not expect to be a whole and healthy person if you refuse to allow yourself to feel the weight of grief. Yes, it is uncomfortable and achy, but part of living in this fallen world involves loss sometimes. 

In order to be healthy people after these experiences, we have to allow ourselves to feel, remembering that our Heavenly Father compassionately sees every tear, and every time our hearts feel weighed down. He is the kind of God who has "borne our griefs and carried our sorrows" (Isaiah 53:4b). He never ignores our pain, and He does not see us as "less spiritual" for processing heartache. So do it. Let the tears fall, consider the tragedy that is loss, and cry out to the Creator who made you for a world where there was no pain and no tears. We're experiencing the impact of the fall of man, and one day God will make all things right, and we will have an eternal breakup with pain, sin, loss, and heartache.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' Also He said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.' And He said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son" (Revelation 21:3-7).

At the end of April and into the month of May, you could find me crying in the privacy of my home.

"It is so sad to lose someone who is still alive" (05.11.25)

Heartbreak is akin to feeling shattered into a thousand pieces — sometimes, tragically, hopes and dreams die in this fallen world. And we feel the weight of the brokenness. But we have a Father who isn't even slightly uncomfortable with, afraid of, or lacking in knowledge of how to reach to us in our losses. He draws us near in His perfect, loving, caring way — because He is the Lord Jesus who loved us so greatly that He was willingly crucified for our sin. He knows well how to pursue His broken, falling, hurting creatures. He is the Great Physician — no brokenness you ever experience could surprise Him. He is the Healer, and there is no safer place to take our wounds and our heartbreak than into the hands that were wounded for us (as Elisabeth Elliot would say).

Two Losses at Once?

To be honest, I was extra afraid of breaking up with my boyfriend because I felt that I had just experienced deep loss a year ago when I was quietly fired from a ministry job. As the end of the dating relationship drew near, I knew it might be a double whammy since I was still processing the loss of the job, too. While I was feeling all the feels of the breakup, a text came through to me that brought on more pain to process from the old job.

"Loss is such a strange thing. It can happen any time and with nearly anything. I had no idea when I took my job at [a pro-life organization] that all the joy I felt then would soon turn to sadness and pain. Today [name redacted] texted me to let me know she is taking my old job…at [the pro-life organization]. I feel such a blend of feelings." (05.17.25).

In the old job, I was pushed to grow fast, and I hoped it would work out! Sadly, it did not, even with my fiercest effort — working seven days a week, in the end, to try to meet hefty expectations that seemed to be beyond any human capacity of achievement. Sometimes life is unjust, and all we can do is surrender to God and His plan, even when it doesn't take us where we expected to go. "In you, O Lord, do I take refuge" (Psalm 31:1a).

God is able to redeem from the rubble, and He is carrying out His purposes in our most painful times. 

"You’re making a masterpiece. 

You’re shaping the soul in me. 

You’re moving where I can’t see. 

And all I am is in your hands. 

You’re taking me all apart… 

to finish your work of art for all to see 

You’re making a masterpiece." 

— Danny Gokey

One of the gifts of suffering is that it wakes us up to reality — it reminds us that there is so much we can't take with us to heaven. It's an opportunity to examine our motives and what we're truly living for — to see if those goals have any eternal value, or if the things we want will in fact have no meaning after the grave. I wrote Psalm 52:7-9 in a journal. "See the man who would not make God his refuge, but trusted in the abundance of his riches and sought refuge in his own destruction. But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. I will thank you forever, because you have done it. I will wait for your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly" (05.19.25).

Healthy Leadership

I think one of God's purposes in allowing me to experience pain in a previous job may have been to create a desire in me to discern and articulate the difference between healthy and unhealthy leadership — not only in the workplace, but in general and at large. Just because a person has what may be an impressive position of leadership does not mean they are a healthy leader or that they are good at guiding people. In May of 2025, I saw a quote on leadership that I believe gets to the heart of one of the major flaws of modern-day management.

"Correction without connection is just condescension."

Some people in positions of power believe they are so effective and influential that all they need to do is send out some commands and rebukes to their direct reports, then all will be well. However, if a leader chooses to frequently correct but fails to connect healthily with those in their care, the guidance they provide may come across as unkind and condescending. 

Individuals who are not capable of building caring, respectful connections with people should never be given positions of power. Real leadership is not about brutally forcing people to do things through a "kick in the pants." Instead, it is about humbly taking responsibility, leading by example, and seeing no task as too lowly to help with. Great leaders love people and find joy in helping them achieve success. 

I was talking with a professional I know a few months ago, and that conversation caused me to see leadership development differently than ever before. Where we met, I knew her as a person with an entry-level job, but she had previously been in management at a different corporation. When her staff reviewed her management, she was frequently described as a leader who lacked personability and kindness. Instead of receiving this feedback with humility, she lurched back and denied all claims that cast her in a negative light. "I was never mean," she said to me with irritation in her expression, recalling a situation that had taken place a few years ago. 

This conversation was eye-opening; there was no reason to think her former direct reports had a reason to be unnecessarily critical. Most likely, it was accurate feedback that made the woman uncomfortable to deal with, so she took the easier road and decided she would deny, deny, and deny as much as necessary to protect herself. 

The way we perceive ourselves has the capacity to limit our growth as individuals and leaders. If we refuse to open ourselves up to feedback from those who report to us, we will continue not to grow in the parts of ourselves that are most hurting others at work. This woman told me that she is certainly laidback and chill, but from my experience interacting with her, I could see she was actually very particular and perhaps had some OCD tendencies. However, it may feel more comfortable and safe to view herself as easygoing, as this does not carry any negative connotations. 

We blind ourselves to our need to grow when we silence those in our care who point out ways our personality or leadership has harmed them. Great leaders are secure and self-aware enough to be open to even the most challenging conversations about their need for growth. 

Insecure leaders, on the other hand, retaliate against staff who provide accurate but hard-to-hear feedback. You could be highly skilled at your job, but if you have a manager who is deeply insecure, you could be out of a job simply because they see your natural confidence as a threat. This creates workplaces with politics that encourage people to "kiss the rear" of the boss, and ousts truth-tellers who are committed to personal and professional development.

All this to say, modern workplaces are often diseased with troubled managers who know very little about leadership, and get by through playing politics for years. I was a manager for just shy of two years, and I don't know if I will ever formally be a workplace leader again, but if I do, I pray that God would give me grace to remember that leadership is about relationships, supportiveness, kindness, and inspiring people to achieve greatness. It's not about forcing direct reports to bow to your power — instead, it's about following the example of the most perfect Leader in the universe — the Lord Jesus Himself, who washed the feet of His disciples. May God transform modern leaders — eradicating them of corrupting insecurity, and giving them strength to lead like the Lord Jesus, the Manager of the Universe, who cares intensely about every person He has made in His image.

Lessons Learned, Growth Experienced, and the Joy to Come

Thanks for joining me for this year's reflection! This was a longer-than-average update, so I want to express my gratitude if you've chosen to read on this far. We discussed abortion, pro-life activism, suffering, dating, psychological well-being, workplace leadership, and much more — each of these was a topic somehow related to God's plan of growth for me in the last year. I pray that through this post, you not only get a peek into the Lord's faithful dealing with me, but that you also recall that every year of your own life is a sacred season of growth. God is always doing more than we could ever ask or think! He is an involved, present, and caring Father who is near every single day — no matter how mundane the given moment may appear in our finite perspective. Who knows how the Lord will use your challenges and sufferings of the day to glorify Him and perhaps reach someone else with hope, testimony, and victory.

In retrospect, I think year twenty-five was a year of healing (after a brutal year twenty-four!), and I praise God for being the Great Physician who sees every aspect of me that needs more growth or greater healing and how He never abandons me there, but meets me and continues to conform me more into His image. Even when that sanctification can be painful. May God minister to you in all that you face in your life today — I pray that through this post, you are reminded that God cares and that He is a God who sees us in all that we face in this life.

"This I know, that God is for me" (Psalm 56:9c).

Ten Years of Let My Life Be A Light

Did you know it's been ten years since I first published this blog on the internet? Time flies. At the beginning of Let My Life Be a Light, I was fifteen years old, passionate, an optimistic dreamer and ideator, and simply a girl from a small town with practically nowhere else to write. 

It was, then, my dream to write for a Christian women's magazine I had been reading for years. If only I could join them on their mission to share about life experiences and eternal truth. Wouldn't that be something? Two years passed, and I had the opportunity to meet the founder of the magazine and some of the women who regularly wrote for the publication. Here was my chance, I thought, to connect with these incredible Christians who had made an impact on me. 

It didn't go quite as planned. If you are the type of person who likes to look for specific ways to build others up, and you practice this regularly, then you have likely experienced the same misunderstanding I have...at least once or twice in life. And that would be when people assume that if you say something kind, you mean it insincerely and as a flatterer.  It is quite a harsh judgment — especially if you decide these are the motives of a little new grad homeschool girl who is just seventeen years old. But that was tragically what happened. A desire to build up one writer on the team had me harshly rebuked as a flatterer to the point of my own uncontrollable tears. 

I could never belong with writers like these. I thought to myself. But it went deeper. It wasn't just that I was broadly stamped as insincere, which was painful enough. My parents had just gotten separated a few months prior, and I could almost guarantee none of them would understand the weight I was carrying from my family's struggles with dysfunction. In other words, I felt unseen, overlooked, and judged. After a few months of learning from that ministry, away from my home in the Midwest, I returned to the north, and sank into a new depressive low. It was tempting to believe many lies. 

No one cares how much I'm suffering. 

I will never be able to write or share anything that's close to my heart. 

No one will ever want to listen to me or read my writing since that ministry judged me severely. 

I can't touch people's lives or make a difference in the way I wish I could.

Yet more time passed. With the help of a wise Christian counselor, I was unraveling childhood trauma and the pain that had been inflicted upon me by associating with that ministry. Slowly but surely, I was gaining little bits of hope back into my heart.

Maybe there was never to be an opportunity for me to write for that one publication. Could I humble myself enough to recognize that it's possible God gave me a passion to write, but that He may be giving me a smaller group of readers? Would I be content to reach one hurting soul that followed me on Facebook and tuned into my latest ramblings about eternal truth as it applies to messy daily life? Could I come to a place of acceptance that the future may never look how I planned, but that God's purposes are even more meaningful than a dream from my heart that died a sad death?

I decided to go for it. Maybe I was the girl some ministry frowned upon, and maybe I was going to write anyway. There are a lot of benefits to starting your own blog instead of joining someone else's, after all. But I did not see it that way, at the time, as each post was a reminder to me that I didn't get to be a part of the magazine I dreamed of contributing to. 

Later, I realized that since God created me as a more independent person who likes to take on projects that provide autonomy and flexibility — instead of rigidity and control from others — my own blog was just the right fit for my nature. Down the road, I did get chances to write for other blogs as a volunteer and to be a paid ghost writer for a nonprofit, and it came with challenges I had never considered. I like to make my own directions and create my own guidelines. But if you work with other people who have a high need for control, your ability to decide what you write and how you write it can be severely limited. I was beginning to see that my desire to write was deeply connected to my creative passions — it wasn't just something I did because of force and self-discipline. I wrote when and because I had a message on my heart.  

Certainly, self-discipline plays a role in that, but when you are genuinely excited about a goal — and not forced into a project you may find meaningless — you can write more prolifically and with much greater fulfillment from the task. There is a distinct difference between writing that is a product of rough force and a "kick in the pants" mentality, and the prose of individuals who feel passion and inspiration as they pen their message. The former is widespread and common, while the unique, creative traits that make the latter possible touch our lives in unexpected ways.

I think I've tried to bring that spirit of inspiration to this blog, although only God can decide how impactful any given blog post will be. It's from the heart — that much is true. And I believe in the importance of sharing in a way that is, Lord willing, genuine and authentic. I've had enough interactions for a lifetime with Christians who believe they are superior for pretending to have it together. None of those people has ever ministered to me, helped me, or shared a word in season when I was suffering. 

The more we attempt to conceal our need for Christ — and act like nothing is wrong and everything is just picturesque — the less we are able to minister to people in a way that truly touches their lives. For some reason, there is a sect of Christianity that has developed that is emotionless and refined — as though the Christian life was supposed to be some kind of antique China cabinet. But, in fact, if a person truly does have the Spirit of God dwelling inside them, then there is major construction underway. God is driving out old, fleshly, sinful, broken ways from our lives, and He is conforming us into His image. In this fallen world that is marred by sin, the process of sanctification isn't necessarily pretty — there can be tears, heartache, loss, difficulties, and pains of many kinds in this process of being made more like Jesus. (And of course, many joys too!) And I have personally been most encouraged by the writers who strike the right balance between sharing what is real about their lives and what is eternally true in the midst of it. Not a kind of transparency that celebrates life being a mess, but a recognition that in our weakness Christ gladly meets us and is strong.

I'm not sure how long you've been around the blog or how many posts you may have read, but I hope that even through this one post, you can see that I am simply one person who is broken and whose only wholeness and healing is in Christ Jesus Himself. One hymn puts it this way, 

"My Great Physician heals the sick, the lost, He came to save. A sinful soul, I come to Him — He'll never cast me out" [1]. 

I have been blessed to share my writing with the world for a decade now, and along the way, I have made silly typos, big mistakes, and have — at times — had my writing harshly criticized. So, know that what I am doing, you can also do. If God has placed it on your heart to write, but it seems like the door is always closed to you to share, have you ever considered starting your own blog? A few people along the way may have judged you (as they have me), and some editors may have found your personal style strange (I've been here, too), but what if you dared to write anyway? If God has convicted you that He has a message to share through your imperfect, broken life, who might it touch if you were willing to be seen in your vulnerability?

Ten years have come and gone much faster than I knew to expect, but I am grateful to the Lord for His grace and for His guidance not to give up writing in spite of challenges. I pray that through my unpicturesque life, somehow, you are strengthened and blessed. As it's been said by others (maybe A.W. Tozer?), what if your life being broken into a thousand pieces is like broken bread and poured out wine that can feed a thousand? What if your greatest heartbreak and hurt also becomes a point of great ministry to others? 

Don't give up. Go plant those seeds God is calling you to sow. Be faithful. Be ok with being small and unknown. And along the way, God willing, you'll impact people deeply.

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1. My Faith Has Found a Resting Place by E.E. Hewitt