7 Books on my To-Be-Read List of 2020

In just five days, we will be entering a brand new year! Today, I've been spending some time day-dreaming and purposefully planning the upcoming year. I don't know about you, but I have lots of looming goals in 2020; some pertaining to large-scale travel, others dealing with the day-to-day nitty gritty. One thing remains true each trip around the sun: I need Jesus. I desire for the most-read book on my shelf to always be His Word. I need the Bible more than I will ever need any other work of human thought. It's easy to grab for a trendy devotional with a couple reflective thoughts, but my soul craves the food only found in the Living Word. Yes, we should read books written by other Christians (and non-Christians too, at times), but most importantly, in order to grow in my walk with Jesus, I must be in His Word. 

I reflect on the past year and regret not being in it enough; since I'm on a bit of a crazy schedule, trying to go back and forth from night shift, there have been times I've chosen sleep, relaxation, cleaning, and accomplishing other goals over being in His Word some days. That's a definite regret, looking back. But do you know the great thing about regrets, with their annoying ache? They cause us to consider how a wrong could be right. They lead us to ponder what was wasted and how to cultivate what is truly meaningful. If you're in a similar place, realizing that some days you dumped your time in the word for things that were second-rate at best, will you consider with me what your day-to-day could look like if it was about Christ, first and foremost?

For me, this means writing a daily schedule and choosing to discipline my natural wish to be spontaneous and free, accomplishing things at my own pace. Instead, I will have to wake up a bit earlier and read no matter how I feel. Maybe it's hard to make sense of the passage I'm reading for the day; if so, the Author of the Word is with me, even so; why should I be hesitant?

After basking in His Word each day, I also hope to explore these seven books this upcoming year! As I look forward to reading these and others, the themes of Christian living, nursing/healthcare, abortion, and goal setting are most notable. I desire to grow in my walk with Christ, better understand embryonic and fetal development, prepare to serve to the best of my ability as a nurse someday, argue effectively on behalf of the unborn, and set goals with open hands, in light of eternity! Without further ado, here are 7 books on my to-be-read list of 2020:

1. Love Unleashes Life by Stephanie Gray- I wrote two papers on abortion argumentation for English Comp (don't my professors love me), and it made me think how easy it is to be unintentional about learning more on effectively discussing this life and death issue. In sidewalk counseling thus far, I have never once had a debate with an abortion-bound woman. These ladies are often focused on the crisis at hand and need to hear how we can help; if they need us to be persuasive, we are ready, but many times it's actually the pro-choice protesters these conversations develop with. This book will help me better refine my argumentation on behalf of the unborn.

2. 7 Women and the Secret of their Greatness by Eric Metaxas- I already started this book and the chapters on Joan of Arc and Susanna Wesley are my favorites! The author's tone is so intriguing; it's not very often I stop and think about how amazing someone's sentence structure is, but that's just a fact of this writer's style. We all need someone to look up to, and that's really what this book is; the account of several women's lives and how they lived for God's glory in the mundane thereby soaring far above average in their existence.

3. Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions? by Randy Alcorn- this book is written by a journalist and also contains lots of medical information. This is not a "sermon," but simply examines the medical (and ethical) question "can an embryo die as a result of the use of hormonal birth control?" I've read parts of this before, but it's time to read all the way through!

4. Make it Happen by Lara Casey- I'm rather Type-A, so I'm always trying to accomplish goals, but Lara has this idea of "cultivating what matters," a system she has created that isn't the typical burn-out style of goal setting. She shares: "Nowhere in the Bible did God say, 'Follow your dreams' or 'Follow your heart.' He simply said, 'Follow me." The bit I've read so far has been personal and very applicable.

5. The Developing Human: Clinically Oriented Embryology- this textbook is one of the coolest ever. I have always been fascinated by embryonic and fetal development, and this is a very detailed work, expounding on every week of development!! Why are little humans so cool?!

6. You Can Trust God to Write Your Story by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Robert Wolgemuth - I don't know about you, but my life story has taken several "detours" from the ideal I painted in my mind to what I know to be God's higher and better fate for me. Even when we're aware that God's ways are higher than ours, as Scripture tells us, it's still immensely encouraging to pick up a book like this one and be freshly reminded about God's sovereign hand over each unfolding detail of our lives. I look forward to hearing testimonies, exhortations, and solid Biblical teaching from this book. (And I'll continually be trying the words of each book to Scripture, like a Berean). I have a half hour drive to work each day, and I hope to have this work playing on Audiobook on my way there!

7. Expectant by Heather Cofer - Thus far, I only have a little experience in the "birth world" through a short season as a midwife assistant, but I hope to work with expectant mothers in the future in healthcare, so the season of pregnancy is one I regularly think about. Sometimes the emphasis in pregnancy and birth care can teach the patient to have a self-focus: "Women are strong!" We want women to feel encouraged and uplifted as we care for them through the beautiful and challenging season of pregnancy, but in order to effectively support them, we must encourage them with truth. God's Word shows us we are not strong, in and of ourselves: "When we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly" (Romans 5:6). But when we put our confidence in God's strength through the season of pregnancy and every other, we find true empowerment. I look forward to reading Heather's brand new book, in which she shares a refreshing, Christ-centered perspective on pregnancy.

Let me know in the comments, what books are on your list for the year?

20 Years of Existing // defying impossibility

This blog post already bothers me, mainly because the title is technically wrong. I've existed twenty years AND nine months. (And if you know me well enough, you know why I can't help but think of that). #unbornequalshuman

My goodness, this year has by far been the craziest yet, but with that came so many adventures, changes, challenges, incredible joys, surprising lows, hopeful plans, and ultimately a good and faithful God who saw me through each day.

I worked in the Emergency Department, for Grand Rapids Right to Life, did photography, wrote my heart out and started a new position at another hospital. And did I mention I started college? Where is the face palm emoji? I'm one of those ultra type-a people who feels like they never get anything done, meanwhile a lot of life is actually getting accomplished and lived (and, of course, there was a good dose of failing in there as well).

This time last year, there were a lot of unknowns in my life. I wasn't sure when I'd start college or where to go, I questioned what I'd study, and I didn't know for sure what hospital setting I could best serve in.

My days were filled with coordinating events and students when I worked for Grand Rapids Right to Life. I had lots of coffee dates with many amazing pro-life youth, had the coolest boss on the planet ;) (love ya Laura!), and did some public speaking on behalf of the unborn. Sadly, I had to decide between the hospital and GRRTL because of the time commitment, so I ended up finishing my time there in December. Soon my work duties went from office work and activism related, to only the medical side of things.

From assisting with traumas to sitting for psych patients, the ER taught me many things. Mainly, it instilled in me the absolute necessity to genuinely care for my patients no matter what they're facing. That's not a belief held by all in that field, but I had several inspiring coworkers who rose above the typical and talked with that difficult patient, cared for the one who was especially needy, and did not allow the many sights of trauma to deaden their will to serve. Those are the people I will remember, looking back.

After leaving the ER, I took a month-long break from healthcare, uncertain how much I really wanted to try that field again (for the third time, job wise). Maybe I had made a mistake? Maybe I wasn't "tough enough" for that line of work? Maybe I don't have the gift set to make a difference in the lives of patients? I wanted to serve, help, and assist, but I also wanted to change things. I desired for the cries of those in distress to be met with mercy and I honestly wasn't sure if I could find a job like that in healthcare. Certainly, we each make our own choices that contribute to a patient's experience, but we can't control our coworkers, and if we're not on the same page about patient care, it's not going to be good for anyone.

In the midst of this break, the Lord graciously convicted me over how much I worried, ached, and strived over the future. What to plan, where to apply and how could I accomplish things He's leading me to do? A few weeks after leaving the ER, I sat in my car with such a sense of weariness and laid my life afresh in His hands. So much anxiety went fleeing away as I surrendered to the God who is so much bigger than my earthly problems.

I was broken from that season of life, and needed time to heal. But this season of brokenness was different than past hardships. I would not take back the challenging life circumstances, painful job, or unplanned problems if I could, while previously, I had the tendency to wish with all my heart I could undo the rough things I had experienced. This time, I saw His hand and knew He was refining, teaching and disciplining me, and in that I sensed His love. (Of course, He was so present in the past circumstances where I could not see that, but He graciously changed my perspective so much this time around).

If I were honest, there was a time in the past year I did not sense much hope. I did my best to get through each day, but surviving would be a much better word to describe my mode of living than thriving. I was reading through the book of Genesis when I was struck with an important truth. In chapter 18, Sarah laughed at God when He told Abraham that she would bear a child in her old age. To which God replied, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' Is there anything too hard for the Lord?" (Genesis 18:13b, emphasis added). Such conviction filled my heart. I was praying for what seemed possible to me, so if I was feeling pessimistic that day, my prayers sounded quite similar. But things started to change. Even while feeling uncertain about what was to come, by His grace, I began to pray bigger. I prayed for Him to overcome problems in my life, rescue the unborn (all of them everywhere), to bring healing in my family, and for many more things.

Soon after, I discovered a stirring quote,

"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." C.T. Studd

These weren't just nice sounding words, though. Jesus was challenging my view of Him; did I have a small and compartmental view of my God, or did I believe that He is bigger, stronger, and greater that anything I ever face? Maybe I don't see breakthrough yet. Maybe things in my life still feel heavy and difficult. On the darkest night, am I found with eyes on the storm, shaken at the thought of what is to come? Or do I stand with radical expectancy that He is yet in control, faithful, and entirely good through the worst of the worst? My circumstances are incapable of overwhelming my God! "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My Refuge and my Fortress, my God in whom I trust" (Psalm 91:1-2).

God is not bound by what I see to be possible or impossible. He is sovereign and supreme and He reigns!

"When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace; in every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil. His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood; when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay" (Edward Mote).

When I am tempted to dread trial upon trial, I can instead rejoice to taste the sufficiency of His grace upon grace! He is enough amid my lack; when life goes south, my Savior remains completely faithful. The fact that I have been rescued by Christ for all eternity defies impossibility. Apart from Him, I was destined to hell and an eternity of torment that I deserved because of my sin. Yet He laid His life down for fallen, broken, needy sinners who were unable to lift themselves from the miry clay. Experiencing the barbaric death I deserved, Christ broke the bond of sin and the hold of the enemy in my life and made me His own. Thus hope exists. Not merely theoretically or philosophically, but in a person who has been our ransom: Jesus Christ!

When I ponder these truths, I am all the more thankful for this year. I'm grateful I didn't know in advance what hard things were to come in year nineteen, but those very circumstances, friendships, and issues stripped me of my natural "feeling" of hope, and caused me to dive deeper into His Word. I had to set aside a "feeling dependance" in order to come to believe in His ability no matter what. Thus I began to experience a much deeper hope. One that refused to relent when environments felt toxic, relationships died, people seemed to attack, and circumstances failed me.

When Christ is my hope and stay, my circumstances are no longer capable of making or breaking me.

What do you hinge your hope on? Yourself, friendships, a line of work, finances, feelings? Maybe something else?

As Leslie Ludy has so eloquently put it: "Until Jesus is our all and all, we aren't truly living the Gospel life."

...On to twenty! Here's to a new year likely to be full of college, healthcare, challenges, joys, and certainly of Jesus, who is Himself the epitome of Hope.

now that "teen" is no longer the suffix of my age, I think I'm getting quite old.....

H e l l o || n i n e t e e n

The past 365 days have contained more than I would have known to dream up. Today I leave 18 behind…

This time last year, I was finishing my final weeks at missions school. Homework, class sessions, sleeplessness, to-dos, and time with Jesus filled my time in Colorado to the max. As a Michigan native, the sweeping, majestic mountain view from the small campus often left me in awe. And the sunsets regularly left this talkative extrovert wordless; the depth of the blazing red and orange skies caused me to ponder how detailed, creative, and brilliant our Maker is.

I’ve struggled to adequately sum up my time there; messages like “The Majestic Jesus” and “The Lowercase f,” along with regular devotional thoughts on the nature of God, as revealed through His names in Scripture, opened my heart to a new level of knowing our incredible Jesus. I could use the word awe again and again, because that’s what I experienced nearly every day. He’s just so worthy!

There were also some rough patches in my time there right after my birthday last year; though they aren’t all easy memories to look back on, I trust the Truth of His Word that absolutely everything will be worked together for good, and that nothing in all creation can separate me from His love (Romans 8:28, 35-39).

In all honesty, I came back broken. Probably more so because of myself than anything else, but life was a struggle.

I began working at Bishop Hills again two days after arriving home from school. I had received my license as a Certified Nursing Assistant five months before, and felt it would be wisest for the time being to continue gaining experience in assisted living. As I previously chronicled on this blog, not every moment of working as a CNA has been a breeze, but caring practically for those who are hurting has been such an eye-opening experience. This past year of employment as an aid has been so important; Jesus was graciously giving me opportunities to humble myself and take the lowest place. The truth is, I’d love to be through with school and already have the position in healthcare I anticipate having in the future. It’s been a continual opportunity to lay every desire at His feet and trust His perfect timing and leading.

There’s a reason for this season. Every day of assisting my residents with their ADLs {activities of daily living} and other needs is preparing me for the future. It’s been my deep hope to serve well at Bishop Hills, even as I simultaneously see it as a “stair step” in my experience in caring for others facing crisis or just needing assistance.

In addition to that job, I also ended up nannying for three different families at various times throughout the year. Little Miss Lucy was my “regular.” Every Monday when her mom and siblings went off to homeschool group, Lucy and I got to hang out. She has the most precious smile and laugh; her strong will, love for her family, and curiosity have made my day many a time. Home life over the past year has been on the unstable side with my parents’ separation, but amid brokenness, Jesus was using little things to lift my eyes to Himself. Lucy was one of them!

Many tears were shed as our family worked through logistics, and all things life-change that come with the dividing of a home. It left me with an assurance within my soul that I was entirely and completely unable to do anything apart from His grace. Looking back, I see the pain and sorrow, but I know He was bringing about beauty from ashes.

I’ve always had the propensity to keep everyone at an arm's length, which created more ramifications than it helped while I was walking through what one might term “rawness” of soul. I’m the one who would prefer to cry in the bathroom, and not come out till I can put on a convincing smile and go on in conversation as if nothing ever happened. I did that a fair bit last year; people would reach out to me mercifully, having heard a piece of what was happening, and rarely did I feel comfortable enough to actually open up and share with others. Learning to be vulnerable in a way that also honors those around me has been a difficult lesson. I tend to be silent about the “deeper,” more achy things that are going on in my life, but I have been seeing afresh that because of the hurt I have walked through, Jesus has given me a special door of entrance in showing mercy and care to those facing similar circumstances. You learn to truly mourn with those who mourn when you have suffered yourself. I’m grateful He graciously uses what has been trauma in my own life so that I can meet other women where they’re at and remind them that our God is always faithful, even when our hearts are breaking.

I walked out of our local movie theatre, after watching a pro-life film with a sweet friend and saw Laura Alexandria, the Director of Operations with Grand Rapids Right to Life. A brief conversation had a new idea excitedly planted in my mind...They were looking to hire a new staff member, and my friend recommended me for the position.

I was conflicted. This.is.not.medical.

Should I even apply for a job that I would be super passionate about, but that wasn’t in the industry I was pursuing??

Three interviews and five months later, I was the Student Trailblazer of Grand Rapids Right to Life.

Since I accepted this position, I have had the privilege of coming alongside high school and college students as they seek to advocate for the unborn. It has been sort of strange to be the eighteen year old visiting the college Students for Life groups with the desire to encourage and mentor individuals--many of whom are older than me--in this battle for life. My passion to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves has continued to grow as I have worked with GRRTL. From tracking down the Democrat pro-choice table at the Women’s Convention and having intentional conversations about life, to meeting amazing Students for Life group leaders for coffee and getting the opportunity to uplift them and pour into their lives; I feel like a kid in a candy store.

The longer I know Jesus, the more I feel entirely unable to do nothing about the incredible injustice of abortion. He deeply loves every single person He has created, and I long to share all the more in His incomparable compassion for those who are at-risk.

Speaking of knowing Jesus, this summer marked 7 years in Christ. In Scripture, 7 is often a mark of completion, which I know is so intentional on His part; He knew this would be a year of turmoil and loss, and now more than ever I see the reality that I have never been complete apart from Jesus (Col. 2:10). Within a culture that constantly proclaims a message of self-sufficiency, ever saying, “Yes, you are enough!” I have been comforted with the exact opposite. I’ve never been enough on my own; it’s trying to see myself as enough that turns into a culturally-applauded fiasko of self-adoration which leaves my soul feeling bankrupt and insecure. But when I take my eyes off of myself and my innumerable insufficiencies and instead place my heart and mind on the One who has taken my place, suddenly, my perception of life changes. No longer does my peace and joy hinge upon what I can and cannot do; instead it’s about Jesus and all He is. He never fails and always gives me exactly what is needful for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

Jesus is enough!

It’s been a theme this year. The easter drama I was in was named “Enough.” My job as a CNA began to change when I chose to stop centering it on perfectionism and instead saw it as an opportunity to worship the Sufficient One. My daily life changed as I consciously rested my heart in His enoughness.

 I also started multiple blogs, led Bright Lights, moved, drove my car into a tree, got bodily fluids on my scrubs on several occasions, witnessed many babies saved from abortion, and did the dishes more times than I’d like to count, but through it all Jesus has been completely faithful. New critics, new friends, a new town, and all sorts of life changes surround this season of life. And I know every day of nineteen, He will faithfully lead me. From sleepless night time studies, to continuing to write all 640 some youth Pastors in the Grand Rapids area about the pro-life movement, it shall be anything but boring!

(Yep, I’m still an incurable nutcase like that…)

My sweet friend Bri Stoltzfus shared these words with me on our birthday last year (we were born on the same day!):

“Isn’t it exciting to think that we can give 100% for Jesus every single day of 18?!”

And that is my prayer for 19 as well, because His grace is always enough through every year of life.

The Social Media Exception

I don’t know about you, but I post a wide array of things on social media; pictures of my cat, an article about at-risk children in the womb, random thoughts, an encouragement to a coworker, some favorite Lilias Trotter quotes….

Lately I have been pondering the difference between person-to-person communication and what we do on social media. In person, we’re using eye contact, other senses, reading non-verbals, and we generally build up the relationships we already have, and get acquainted with those we do not yet know. Right?

Well…. Then there’s this awkward thing about social media.

I’m currently on break from social media because it has been too hostile for me.

Though we might attempt to be winsome, respectful, listen well, and show over all kindness to those we interact with in person (even when we don’t see eye to eye), that is not a trend I most often see on Facebook.

Things I’ve observed….Need to rant about how horrible your family is? Post it in your status update on Facebook. Tired of life? Post a selfie on Instagram and tell people you need compliments. Angry with a stupid politician? Then just tweet about in in 280 characters, and you’ll definitely feel better. Bored? Scroll through Pinterest for an hour; you’ll start planning your non-existent wedding before you know it!

I appreciate that we have a way to communicate with people out of our vicinity and are able to discuss a vast array of things, but in my personal experience, social media can sometimes become a space where people will voice criticisms against one another they might put more graciously in person, react angrily whenever they disagree, take sides and shun friends, and in many cases treat others like they are less valuable if they do not agree with them.

Facebook has their cute little add where everyone smiles and shares pictures of cute babies, and it’s just such a nice little place with happiness, encouraging posts, adorable kids…

Um. Such things are posted at times, but I more regularly see frustration, disdain, disapproval, and venting on our personal opinions on everything. And it is not refreshing to our souls.

This morning, I woke up and checked social media. Before I hit the “notifications” button, I was a lot less discouraged. When I did hit it, a nice long comment of disapproval was waiting for me.

Maybe I’d have the experience with social media that Facebook describes if I wasn’t so politically incorrect…I don’t know?

It’s one thing when those who do not know Jesus get angry with us. In such cases, we know that they do not have grace for dealing with people because they are not in Christ!

It’s quite a different thing when those who profess to love and worship Jesus are quick to voice anger, unlovely comments, and try to pressure us into being different and not having the convictions that we have been given as we have pursued Him.

In the past week, I have gotten more of what one might term “flack” from other Christians and pro-life activists than entire months combined. It is exhausting.

I do not like that we use social media to pressure people. Yep, I’m the persuasive first-born type too, but our personalities do not justify ungracious choices.

Evaluating Social Media in Light of Scripture

I’ve been pondering this idea that everything the Word says about the tongue should also apply to our social media etiquette.

Life and Death are in the Power of the Tongue

“From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:20-21).

The words we use have the power to build others up and strengthen them, or to tear them down and hurt them. Do we think about this before we hit “post”? I’m a firm believer in sharing strong truth even if the world disagrees, but we must do so within the nature of our God. He understands all things, is the wisest of all, and yet treats us with such mercy and kindness.

I think of the verse from Jeremiah oft-quoted by Elisabeth Elliot: “The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness’” (31:3). When we speak with those who do not see eye-to-eye with us, it’s important to remember that when we were far off from Jesus--far away from capital t Truth--that He did not shun us and tell us how ridiculous we are, even though He is so worthy of our lives. He pursued us with lovingkindness! I want the way I interact with those who disagree with me to reflect the nature of heaven.

Presented with the Wisdom that is From Above

“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace” (James 3:17-18).

This passage in James points out some serious differences between earthly wisdom and wisdom that is from above. Are these words that describe our interactions on social media?

Are our words marked by bitter envying and strife (vs.14)? James describes this kind of motive as “...earthly, sensual, and devilish” (15). In the following verse he says, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” (16).

Are our social media words pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy, and sown in peace? If so, I do believe social media will become quite a different place.


This morning, as I evaluated these passages, I also took time to pray and ask for an extra measure of grace for the way I interact with others on Facebook, Instagram, etc.. I want even my online demeanor to be one of grace, abundant kindness, and joy, even when we have hard conversations. Jesus is worthy of our everything; He is worthy of worship in the way I treat others.

May our interactions with one another on social media show forth His glory.

Even So It Is Well With My Soul

This season of life has been unique. Kind of like the mornings of sidewalk counseling when the brisk, bone chilling temperatures threaten to turn you blue, when suddenly the sun peeks over the clinic for just a moment. Light exposing the shadows. Clouds moving. Darkness fleeing. Warmth growing.

If I could have written the story of my life, I would not have included the chapters of much of what 2016-2017 included. But I am not in control, and these have been, shall we say, different times of life.

"Growth of any kind demands difficulty."

My missions school teacher preached these words to my class this summer. It's a comfort in the regard. that it must imply that Jesus so desires for me to grow that when worst has come to worst, He is still my True Vine and is growing His branch. 

Between living in a broken family, my health having a hissy fit, encountering work problems, and trying to clarify plans for what's next, life has felt kind of odd. 

You know those people in your life who care but are harsh in the way they respond? (As in have to lecture you whenever they have an opinion about something you said?) We all have individuals in our lives like that; however, not every person will treat us in this manner. Yet whenever someone asks, "So how are you doing?" I am thinking about how I would prefer not to expound lest I be lectured on how I need to keep my chin up.

I'm not looking for optimism. I'm looking for Him here. In the dark. In the pain. In the brokenness. In everything that has not made sense, He is yet present. He is God and He has already overcome. This means that I have grace to push through, because He is always strong when I feel weak.

When I get to cancel my plans because my stomach is sick and tired of being a stomach. When family situations flare up and we have to sort through things. When my coworker is angry with me for being "too nice" to a resident, because she believes we should have a drill sergeant approach. When three timeouts have to be given within an hour to the same child while nannying. When a random guy yells at me outside the abortion clinic because He doesn't want to hear a single thing about Jesus.

In each of these moments and every one hereafter, He is God. He will never change. He is my Healer, my Peace, my Joy, my Discernment, and my Hope. 

When peace like a river attendeth my way

AND when sorrows like sea billows roll

At both seasons of life, He is faithful. Do I understand why some things in my life are falling apart without explanation? No. 

BUT whatever my lot

Thou has taught me to say 

"It is well with my soul."

No matter how much everything around me threatens to fall in, He will never be shaken. He is my Rock. Because of who He is and the grace He provides for me each day, each hour, and each second, I'm going to make it. Up one more mountain. Through a thousand storms. Beyond the valley.

This God of ours is able when we're just not able anymore. 

When the stress, sadness, and pressure are there under the surface, He sees. Even when no one else does. He is our only place of rest when this world has us exhausted beyond taking the next step; what good moments these are to show us how empty we are and how full and able He is. 

It's not as the world says. "You're stronger than you think!" No, I'm weaker than I think (in and of myself), but He is always strong, able, and faithful. The moment I think it's about me and anything I can do, I stop living out of heaven's resource and start living just how the enemy wants. Without abiding in the Vine. And my goodness does our strength ever run out quickly when we do not live by His grace. 

He is Here with us, and He will enable us, if we will look to Him.

An Egyptian servant woman found herself being used for the purpose of growing someone else's family. She discovered that she was expecting a baby, and the wife of her child's father treated her very harshly. Probably feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, she fled into the hot wilderness to get away. Pausing to rest at a spring of water, an angel came to her. The angel asked where she was going, to which she replied, "I am running away from my owner." 

Things were broken in her life. Pain, difficulty, and sadness were likely deeply rooted in her heart. How would this messenger from heaven respond? Tell her to get over it and move on?

No, the messenger told her to return to her owner, and gave her a promise. He shared some of God's plan for what was to come, and reminded her that the Lord had heard her affliction. He had noticed, and had not overlooked even the slave girl. She was important in His sight. She called upon the name of the Lord who was speaking to her and said, "Lord, you see me!" 

This is the only place in Scripture we see Jesus called El Roi: He sees me. (Genesis 16). 

How incredible is it that He revealed more of who He is to her at a place of brokenness in her life. What if she had never faced the troubles with Sarai and Abram? Would she ever have come to call upon Him and know Him?

As I walk through what feels like a wilderness, I want to remember Hagar, and where she was met by Jesus. 

Jesus is worthy of this. If what I'm experiencing now will cause me to need Him more desperately... If all the changes of plans work together so that He might be glorified.... If the pain, sorrow, and heartache cause me to remember that He alone is my Home, then it will be worth it all.

If He will be known better (and how He is worthy of being known and proclaimed), then I want to face whatever He has coming. When I awake to a hundred new challenges tomorrow, He will be there. He sees me; it's who He is, and He never changes. I will not be abandoned while I walk a path that seems dry and dusty. 

There is no pit so deep that His love is not deeper still // Corrie ten Boom

El Roi is with me; He dwells in me, and nothing in all creation can separate me from His love. Nothing at all. There is nothing I could face that He has not first seen; He doesn't ever abandon His children. We are always in His sight.

God wants to take our problems and turn them into building material for His miracles // Corrie ten Boom, Tramp For the Lord

He is working everything together, at this very moment, for good unto those of us who love Him. He will be glorified here, if I will obey and surrender. If I will listen and follow Him in what seems strange and unexpected from my perspective, He will accomplish His eternal purposes in and through this existence. 

And Lord, haste the day

When my faith shall be sight

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll

The trump shall resound

And the Lord shall descend 

Even so

It is well with my soul

Because He is God, tomorrow is possible. Pain may be included. Sorrows may produce silent aching. Troubles may create a strain. But if He is with me, then it is possible. He sees me, and He is here, so I may push on. He is worthy, and He alone makes it well with my soul.

Streamside Lessons

It was a beautiful fall evening. All four miles around the lake, vibrant shades of coral, red, pink, green, and brown caught my eye. It was all so breathtaking; the ground was covered with a layer of fallen leaves, each one declaring the majesty of their Maker. As I walked, I took notice of a stream. As first glance, between the strong movement of the large amount of water in a small space, it would have seemed as though someone was not keeping up their landscaping, but then I realized something.

I want my life to look just like that stream.

Such an abundance of life that it doesn’t fit in a small space. It can’t help but touch beyond the boundary of expectation, because it’s just so full. And floweth fuller every day… The dry ground, though it appears the same, a touch reveals it has been affected. The hard summer-scorched earth is muddy, and is being revived with every flow of the body of water. The narrow bridge will also be taken under too, if the stream flows over any more.

Can I say in truth that I am satisfied to overflowing in Jesus?

I want my life to be one that is so full of His living water that I can’t help but splash it on my neighbor. What if even the passer-by had to notice His fragrance from the words I had spoken, even if it was just about the happenings of the day? When needy people try to push buttons, imagine the impact one overflowing with the King of kings; Jesus is sufficient for even the most rude, insulting people.

He has the right words for the woman at the nursing home with the frustrated remarks, whom I was assigned to many a morning. He has the the word in season for the weary soul. Our Jesus gifts the garments of praise for the spirit of heaviness. For the liberal woman, deemed by some as unreachable, as she advocates for abortion outside the Downtown clinic; He wants to speak words of hope and healing even to this one.

Am I content to sit here, comfortably in Christ while a world around me dies and passes into an eternity separated from their only Hope? I hope not. Just as the stream continued to fill beyond the brim, so He wants my soul to be. Discontented to be complacent. Unwilling that the dry ground be unwatered only to wither up and die. Defiant against the human tendency to abide at-ease in my personal bubble.

No, He is too worthy.

Today. That woman who pulled out in front of me too abruptly on the road. She is loved by the Lord of lords; how much am I loving her? Because, oh Cassidy, if you are in Christ, then all the grace necessary to treat her with kindness is available to you. It’s available to those who recognize that they’re not enough, and depend fully on the only One who could ever be enough. When memories of mistreatment from the past surface in my mind, whom is this about? Is it all about me and how I felt, or is it all about a Savior who is entirely sufficient in my greatest moments of trial, heartbreak, and sorrow?

Don’t be a puddle! Be a stream, turning into a lake, that can’t help but outdo the ocean simply because Jesus is limitless. He hasn’t drawn the line in that relationship with the awkward older lady at the grocery store. Thus, if the vessel will surrender and obey, Living Water will be poured over her--she will be given an impression of who Jesus is, even as I set the produce on the checkout counter. Is Jesus impatient, snappy, not oh-so-present, and drifting off, thinking of other things? Or is He the one who serves, forgetting Himself and saving the sinner?

He wants to grow this Water in my heart; I haven’t exhausted His Word, nor His ability to reach those deemed impossible. It all starts with Him. And it all starts with today. Let His perspective infect and correct your tinted view of others.

How they are loved, desired, and wanted by Him.

Yet somehow I sometimes allow myself to get by with a quick little prayer of, “Well, if it’s your will for that person to come to know you as their personal Savior, then I ask that they would.”

If?

My eyes do not capture His grand vision for redemption if I am willing to be tossed about as a wave of the sea. “It’s not good timing to share the Gospel. They’re busy”, “I am tired. Plus I am the wrong person to share Jesus with them; this patient doesn’t even like me and keeps complaining about everything I do!”, “This woman needs me to talk with her about her options as a teen mom, not about Him. If I don’t share the right resources with her, she could end up walking into the clinic and having an abortion.”

Do I live on my justifications or excuses, or am I so excited about Jesus that I can’t help but share Him with every person before me. If I’m as in love with Him as I keep saying, then there ought to be a different response to sharing Him. What if I couldn’t help it but show them Him--in the way I took care of the dog this morning, with handling well the rough situations that come in working in healthcare, in the circumstances of life that would translate despair to most people--am I showing the sufficiency of my Living Waters (Jesus)?

I don’t want to be a dead sea. Ever receiving His fullness, yet passively overlooking the opportunity to pour out.

Give up your raindrop of refreshment, and watch your Jesus turn it to a puddle as you give. See Him take your puddle and splash it all over those who have always bothered you, in the most refreshing rain they have experienced, as your small spot of Water takes up more ground, morphing into a stream. The lake isn’t far. His ocean of love knocks. Are you willing to give it up? Will I say goodbye to what I deem my comfort so that, in His worthiness, the Prince of peace might reign in more hearts?

On the last day, the climax of the festival, Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from His heart.’” (When He said “living water,” He was speaking of the Spirit, who would be given to everyone believing in Him….) // John 7:37-39

The First Week of Ellerslie

It's kind of crazy that I've been here at Ellerslie for five days already! A lot has happened! On June 3rd I arrived at the Denver Airport, and was greeted by two of the sweet staff members: Kimberly and Sarah. I was so excited; it all felt so surreal! I had prayed and dreamed of this place for years, and at long last, it was happening! That morning, I rode the shuttle from the airport to Windsor; our drive included many beautiful mountain views! Not something I see in Michigan every day!! When we got to the campus, I was taken into my dorm room where I met my roommates: Sarah, Janetta, and later Heather. I am so thankful for each of these sweet ladies I have the privilege of living with! Sarah is a Practicum D2 student (which, in case you don't know, is one of the other, higher up, programs they have at Ellerslie). She's radiant, so thoughtful, and made me feel beyond welcome when I came in. Janetta is from Kansas, and loves Jesus so much. She has been such an inspiration to me; during almost every free time she can be found in His Word! And Heather is pretty wonderful too!! She has a sweet, quiet personality, and deeply, deeply cares for each person around her; she has encouraged me so much!

Jesus has really been drawing me closer to Himself through this time here. I can't completely describe it.... But one little song has a fragment into it:

"My heart responds with Holy, Holy!"

The first evening we had a picnic on the lawn by the dorms:

On Tuesday, they told us about the schedule of how we would be reading through the New Testament 2 times in these three months, and the other exciting assignments to be done!

It's seriously beautiful around here....

Just to confuse you, we'll jump backwards. On Sunday we had our campus tour:

My tour group :)

Then we had our ID photos taken:

Here are a few common sights for the Ellerslie student:

Banquet night was so wonderful! We got to meet all our teachers and hear more about the vision behind Ellerslie:

Coffee House 29 is a GREAT place to go, if you're ever in Windsor. I've already been there twice!

[I know right about now you're thinking how you should come to Ellerslie too! You should click here and totally go yourself....]